Associate Manager- Modern Trade

What do girls think of extra fair guys?

Are they not liked, I have seen everywhere girls would look at me but they won't talk and I don't have that confidence to interact with them due to less exposure and not knowing them before hand. What is the meaning do they want me to interact or kinda I have to try, looks wise I'm not that good I would say, maybe I'm or not, I overthink a lot and in general speak very carefully when outside so don't open up easily too. But even in cafeteria I was sitting having coffee facing my head down I mean looking downwards and I see a girl constantly staring at me, why she can't come and say hello, I will not bite lol. Im very shy person nature wise too, one more thing I try to dress best of my knowledge when I go outside, it's just that I like it. I have heard girls strike convos or approach I mean they only look at me and that happened quite frequently, so what goes in their mind and why no one ever approached me? And my complexion is definitely comparable to irani/kashmiri people mix of red and milky white, have beard too, looks wise I'm not that solid maybe 6. I have social anxiety as well and feel nervous because I get stared even when I walk looking downwards. And surprisingly never been in a relationship till date because of less interaction with women.

Feeling a lot of doubts, should I continue living?

Declaration I don't seek validation, I only want genuine answers and help, especially your opinion. TLDR : I am not happy with myself, since my body and mind don't work and produce results even though I am capable, the loop has continued since JEE and I fear it will continue more. I was thinking of ending everything and leaving early. Long explanation 1. Career Failed JEE, got a 23K rank in mains, went for a drop, got 30k in mains, in 12th stopped studying and in drop year, didn't studied anything, just made roadmaps which would give me the dopamine hit. In college, didn't made friends, just closed the door and studied, zero memories, burn outs were very common and my efficiency went down the drain, stopped studying in between and wasn't consistent. Got internship in a company, planned to study alongside it, but used to be very tired after office, would scroll reels on bed for 30 min and would sleep afterwards. Got PPO there, for practically one year, before joining here, didn't studied shit, all the other people who got the PPO, cracked better offers double their CTC, even if I just would have revised, I would have cracked a better company. I am the only guy who joined there from my college. 2. Life I have extreme respect for my parents, but regarding love, I am not sure, I am grateful they always fed me, never considered me a burden and helped complete my education without a loan, always gave me money without asking why? Built a home for me and my brother out of there own hard earned money and did the best for us. Never took a loan and always wanted us to be loan free. I never worked on myself, Inc gym, dressing sense, always gave efforts only to study, which practically, I didn't got the results I should have. Always rejected whenever I approached, citing religion issues, ugliness. 3. People around me Friends I made in school were best, they were hardworking, always made their way through, stood alongside me and always honest. In college, everyone was an acquaintance, zero female interaction. In college, people around me were living my dream life, good Competitive programming skills, good DSA, good network, internships in good companies and some even had partners. 4. What I wished for myself An individual who knows he should work, at times, it can be stressful and tiring, but he should balance everything. A mentor, if possible, a big brother, to guide me, not spoon feed me, but atleast give a direction. Well versatile in skills of life itself including street smartness, cooking. A healthy mind, which works when I work and relaxes when it's time to take off. I wished to have a family of my own one day, a partner, whom I can hug and protect, raise kids of our own and travel and age with her. Sketch her and click photos of her. I wished to be loved back. 5. Reality currently 23M, 5 10, patchy beard ,a failure who has failed multiple times in life, Failed JEE, to get a good job, currently at 10LPA. Never got a single yes from a women. Atleast my parents are tension free since ab unka ladka kama rha, apna kharcha khud dekh lega. Friends are getting busy in their own lives. And my body can't keep up with gym + job + study. I get fever frequently and my head hurts. 6. Final words I should end this, I have lived enough, I have given myself enough chances to proove I can change, but no, I am a useless piece of ass. I don't deserve any other chances at life itself. I am not venting, but with a piece of pen and paper in hand, it's evident the issue was always with me. I destroyed my life with my own hands, my brain and body don't wish to live more, work hard more, hoping there is a better life ahead. I have done some deeds, saved a girl from an accident, taught gov school children, mentored 2 to crack entrances, did sewa whenever I could. Lastly I wish I was strong enough to save myself.

I could never even become 1% of what my dad was.

A man of strength, resilience, he always kept going for the sake of his family. Son of a farmer, turned fauji. Such boldness, the amount of confidence he had in for himself was just over the ocean. Served in the Indian army, always made sure his kids got the best education, always sent money back home, even though he didn't got nothing back from his own family, they betrayed him. He got married through arrange set up at 23, practically, he didn't have anyone, their is still no love between my parents, they mutually respect each other. Stood up for what was right and cited against anything which was wrong, he did got a lot of hate for this among the relatives, but deep down everyone admired how strong fauji is. Such clever decision making, awareness about life, including medical, law, banks. He always had an answer or atleast where to look for one. In the lowest of situations, he was calm, never saw anxiety or uneasiness on his face, the true definition of a man. Always respected my mom, helped her with the household chores. He did what he thought was best for us, even sacrificing a lot of things he always wanted for himself. He listened to us, and always took a decision which was right for the family. And here I am, despite getting a calm environment, a proper coaching, couldn't get a tier 1 college, I have anxiety issues, not that level of confidence he does, could have possibly done a lot of hard work, but no, couldn't hit the bar. I don't even look like him, my body is nowhere strong as him even at this age, a proper beard, and a buffed up body, he looks like a real sardar. I just wish, in this life, I become 1% strong as him, before I loose him.