Need Advice: Struggling Between Family Expectations and My Own Life at 27
I'm 27F. I was previously working in Kochi where I had an independent life, however I was home for most holidays and weekends as my parents loved having me stay at home. I recently to moved to bangalore hoping I would have an independent life, my space and I could enjoy my late 20's exploring new places and having a carefree, peaceful life. But since I was new to the city and there are many incidents of Bangalore not being safe, my parents forced me to let my grandmother (nearing her 80's) stay with me in my 1bhk apartment. I didn't have a choice but to agree to this condition since the new job was a great opportunity for me. Now when I approach my parents about when they are planning to take my grandmother back with them, they reason that I wouldn't get a good marriage proposal if I stay alone in Bangalore. Most of my life choices were opposed by my parents saying the same reason and dont even let me go for trips with friends saying the same. With my grandmother staying with me in Bangalore, I'm unable to go out alone or with my friends, nor prepare for certifications or even have my own movie/craft time. I'm stressed about this situation and a conversation on this with my parents make me feel that I'm the one wrong here. I need help on a little perspective on if even after being 27, am I not supposed to have a life on my own.
Indian parents are always like this, they think we never grew up.
Challenge them, just go out regardless of your grandpa's permission. Then only they will realise.
Challenging their thought process is something I tried but they come up with some examples of how GOOD families have restricted their kids from going out of their hometown for work and makes it look like it's their generosity that they let me work in Bangalore.
Go out anyway. I also stay alone in 1bhk. My parents used to do surprise visits to my place. Same scenario. 'Blr is not safe' and 'you are only not understanding' etc etc. I used to feel guilty about wanting to be independent sometimes. And I later realised that's so f**ked up! I love my parents but I want to live my life on my own terms too. Now after hours of arguments they atleast have stopped showing up unannounced.
Unfortunately my parents have made my grandmother stay with me, and so I'm not really independent or in my space.
I’m 28M, staying alone in a 1BHK. People judge men too for living alone, so your parents’ fear is genuine. But not allowing trips, outings with friends, etc. is where you should definitely draw the line.
You can’t let yourself sink into depression,explain to them how much happier it makes you. My parents always asked me to save money stop wasting money on trips etc. Take them on a trip to a place they’ve never been,once they experience that joy with you, they won’t question your plans the next time,this worked for me might work for you too.
