My Journey Since November 2024 – Seeking Honest Opinions

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I am 33 years old, with 11 years in the IT industry as a software tester and automation engineer.

Since November 2024, my life has been in free fall.

I was working in the product division of a 113-year-old largest tech company. From the outside, it looked like a dream job. But on the inside, it was a slow suffocation—harassment, politics, being singled out, and constant belittling. No matter how much effort I put in, it was never enough. Every login felt heavier than the last, until I finally broke. I left—not just the company, but the mental toll it had chained me to. I told myself: take a break, focus on mental health, rebuild quietly.

But life had other plans. Just weeks later, my wife’s cancer diagnosis hit us. She had to go through a major surgery (hysterectomy)as she had clear cell ovarian cancer, completely shaking our world. When she decided against chemotherapy, I knew our journey ahead was going to be unpredictable—full of fear, uncertainty, and moments where hope itself felt fragile.

Medical bills mounted. Credit card dues piled up. EMIs never stopped. Whatever break I thought I’d take for my mental health was over before it began. In January 2025, I joined a new company, but at a lower package than before. It wasn’t about ambition anymore—it was survival. I had to clear the dues from my wife’s treatment and ensure that the EMIs for home, car, and insurance kept going.

On the financial front, I’ve tried to keep discipline alive. I continue my SIPs, contribute to NPS, maintain stock investments, and hold property for the long term. On paper, it looks like I’m on track. But the truth is, it often feels like I’m juggling glass balls—if one slips, everything shatters. The constant fear of medical emergencies has made even small wins feel temporary.

On the career front, the scars of harassment and the weight of personal struggles haven’t healed. I find myself doubting my skills, unable to focus in meetings, failing to train juniors the way I once did. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just passing days, not building anything meaningful.

Inside, I’m battling depression and anxiety. It’s functional—I get up, I work, I pay bills—but mentally, it feels like drowning in silence. Some days, I look fine to the world. Inside, I’m crumbling.

The one thing that has helped me breathe is scribbling my thoughts here. What began as scattered notes turned into reflections of my pain, fears, resilience, and fragile hope. Writing doesn’t erase the battles, but it gives me a mirror where I can at least see myself clearly, instead of the blur of everything falling apart.

👉 I’m sharing this here because I need honest perspectives: • Am I moving in the right direction financially, or am I just surviving? • How do I keep my career alive when my mind feels so heavy and self-doubt clouds everything? • By taking a lower package for stability, have I compromised my long-term career growth further? • Has anyone else faced a phase where confidence, career, and personal life all collapsed together—and writing or creating was the only anchor?

I am not asking for sympathy. I am asking for truth. Sometimes strangers give clarity in ways even family cannot.

🙏 If you’ve read this far, thank you. Your words—whether harsh, practical, or kind—will matter to me.