Midnight Thoughts: Feelings of a Failure
Hello reader, I have been working for 3 years as a Backend Developer at a MNC since I graduated. I have resigned(forced resignation) from the company and it's been 1 month since I left. Currently I am unemployed and unsure what to pursue next as i am not skilled enough for the job I was doing. I have knowledge about different tools(tech tools) and can kind of figure my way out of a problem but definitely not fluent or efficient. All this made me lose interest in the one language that I learned since my schooling days, Java.
When I was at notice period I tried to upskill myself, thinking there is nothing that cant be learnt and started to practice, each time a new course, a new video and the same me. Started my own project and was happy with it until i had to add more features, all of it felt like swimming at one spot. Tried to find my lost creative side of sketching, never started. Tried to learn a musical instrument, but along with it came frustration, not able to make things work.
Now, I am trying to gain skills for a new career in Data Science. Was going on smoothly starting from python and had a roadmap ready with given timelines. There were days I looked forward to learning more and solving problems. But then again I was feeling stuck with a handful of problems, for which I had the knowledge, but couldn't solve it. I am not even close to learning libraries and all of it feels like shattering. I do like gaining knowledge on random topics but that are just there, not helping to get a job.
So this was my professional life in which I am not doing well. Similar is my personal life, I am 26, and am not able to drive a bike or a car, I am always dependent on some medium or the other to reach a certain place. This makes me feel restricted, as I dont want to be restricted by public transports or taxis(if i have money). Also about my personal life, I have never been in a relationship. I have friends and family and everyone around praising me for looks but at the end of the day you have no one.
All this comes down upon me everyday and I think to myself, what am I even good at? What is it that I can do? Everything I try or develop interest in goes down the drain eventually.
PS: I am not suicidal. Just a man with a useless brain.
I’m a failure too (10+ YOE) I just wish cancer takes me in its arms ASAP. ♥️
Check your Vitamin B level once, it made a lot of difference in me once I started taking it.
Second don't be stuck in a tutorial he'll - do as soon as you learn, push yourself.
Be hopeful but not stupid. Adding 1+1 again and again won't take you anywhere so you have to push yourself and try complex problems.
Do not switch the career paths just for the sake of it. If you worked as a JAVA DEVELOPER there are high chances of getting job as a Java developer and extremely low as a dat scientist.
Did you consult a doctor?
I think I should give data science a shot, thanks for your advice🙂
Well I hope this would motivate, shri Krishan ne Saaf kha h sirf Karam tumhara Kal hoga Karam main agar sachai h toh Karam kha nisfal hoga. Hr sankat ka Hal hoga aaj nhi toh kl hoga.
Karam is intention behind the action and intention makes destiny.
Having said that I don't think you are failure. I have been in your place at once. I could not even open a bottle of water but much later I realised it was not because I am failure in opening a bottle of water but my mind was too occupied in figuring out how to survive. Money matters. Money does give confidence. Keep trying in finding a job and in time find an alternative source of money. Do that try with pure intention and god will be at your side.
Always remember you are not a failure you are just going through tough period.
Working in TCS for 4 years still 4 LPA. Have ton of kills in Devops but from last 3 years nobody took interview. Resigned my job and sep 3 is my last date and still don't have offer. Now tell me bro. I am confident enough that you min 7 plus LPA in your 3 years of Exp. Now, don't worry even I too feel the same. Just do it bro. You can do it
Having same situation brother
My salary was 5.5 lpa, but no problem you and I will keep trying.
Hey brother it's okay, I am a data scientist and I feel i am average at best but job hunt takes skill and luck both, so stick to a tutorial series, whatever it is, if you need help or advice, hit me up
Thanks man, will contact you soon for advice in data science🙂
I can relate to you, faced not this but similar issue, some call it impostor syndrome but it's true that I feel incapable of doing things. I can get things done at current company and am confident but I don't follow the style, also no idea about efficiency just doing stuff cellotaping things because one day a guy with knowledge would remove my stuff and eventually I'll be removed
I would say to try more and more but then again what do I know, I am just a Tomato soup.
Imposter syndrome is very real. Sometimes I feel it too. Finding feet is a difficult thing and a long process. Several times I find it hard too. Need to remain consistently positive. That's the key I believe.
I won't comment on your personal or work life. You mentioned your learning experience which is laced with ups and downs. That's exactly how it's supposed to be. You learn and feel confident one day and then feel like you know nothing the next day. Keep at it until it's not a concern anymore. But don't think it's the end. There will be some other area you need to skill up again. This cycle continues till you retire.
Thanks man🙂
Hey,
7 yoe at an MNC
I have been in the similar situation as you during the same time line of my life
What helped me was small wins
Taking one step at a time
By small wins I mean small daily wins which comes at the cost of discipline like going to the gym everyday
Do things consistently on a daily basis
Don’t worry about timelines for a while like a month
Just read a concept everyday it can be very small concept or topic
Go to the gym everyday
Don’t expect results
Do it for the discipline and it will gradually bring in a sense of achievement/ happiness
Gradually things will change
Because honestly what you might be going through might be because of some vitamin deficiency like someone pointed out earlier Get a blood check done and start the supplements if needed
Second reason which was my cause was dopamine addiction mainly insta reels and shirt form content which affects your attention span
What helps for this is a dopamine detox you can read about it online if you think it applies to you
Also about the relationship, Don’t stress about it
Definitely not for peer pressure
At the same time if you want someone in your life you have to work for it in the sense you have to put yourself out there get on a dating app, go meet new people, learn how to communicate
Everything needs effort
Having said that
I personally feel relationships can wait
You need to focus on feeling better yourself
Once you start being comfortable confident and happy being yourself
Everything will fall into places with a little bit of effort
So focus on being a happy and a disciplined version yourself first and
In a few months when you look back you will laugh at yourself for thinking low about yourself
All the best
You can do it
stay safe stay happy
Workouts do help me, but then its again frustrating that in one field I can show consistency but in other I cannot make any breakthroughs. Anyways thanks🙂
1 year unemployed , resume submitted many times went for referrals didnt worked still try to do something, parents want me to try for gov exam but dont want to do, relationship due to misunderstanding got abandoned going to be 26 dont know what to, I cry every night
Stay strong my friend. We will get through our barriers🙂
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I can relate with you ...u should focus on career ,earning first ..later can think of music ,sketching etc later.....relationship status will change once u start earning .....money gives you confidence...money will make you feel worth ...driving. riding .u can learn in 1 month,...u can pursue music ,hobby with job ......again ..i m saying ..i was in your situation till the age of 30 ...same condition...exactly same ...things will change ...
Thanks sir🙂
