Lost/almost losing my 7 years of relationship to Caste
No , I am not writing to gain sympathy , I just wanted to vent it out because I want to cry out loud. So me and my bf of 7 years , him being a baniya (and no not from an orthodox family , they drink together , party scenes every now n then , happening family ) and I am a Punjabi. We have been best friends for years since grade 7th and it’s been almost 15 years since I know him. I have waited every day for him to become a CA. I have helped him financially , spiritually (yes been to temples as he was going through a rough patch), mentally. There is so so much to write but ….he wants the relationship though but his father is not willing to keep that. He has a caste issue and neither his mother is able to make him understand that since she know me from the v beginning. I am 27 running and yet have no conclusion in life. I am sleepless , overthinking , depressed, insomniac , anxious. Idk how to face the world without him. Unable to function in job , health or other matter properly. He has a last talk with his father on Sunday after that I have no hopes left.
To every grapeviner who has been through the same issue and I am sure there are several, who couldn’t marry the person they wanted, how did life turn out? Do you love the person you married? Do you think about the one you wanted to spend your life with instead? Do you resent your parents or society for it? Would you go back and change anything?
Lastly, are you happy?
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Take a 10-min AI interview to qualify for numerous real jobs auto-matched to your profile 🔑I have to stand up to my username and say that Your bf was spineless... Atleast he happy that for ur whole you are not tied to a guy who would be ruled by another pee pee of the house..
Correct. Plus if he knew caste is such a big issue in his family then this should have come up in the very beginning not after 7 years lol. That fellow somehow wanted an escape from this relationship. He got the excuse:) I have seen many such cases. OP be ready to see his insta post getting roka with a more beautiful girl than you. Sorry, but move on. Also it sounds stupid to cry over one person. You will laugh at yourself after 5 years.
What does the father say?
What are the problem he is highlighting?
Is society and extended family a reason?
If caste is the only reason, then there would be preconceived notions of Punjabis (which is very likely)
Can he meet you? At the end parents want kid's happiness. If he sees his boy will be happy with you, he shouldn't have a problem
Doesn’t have any other reason except caste. I am a Punjabi but hail from Mathur so we are not into drinking and all , very basic and happening family. We meet almost every week.
Oye @BiryaniEnthu
Trust the OP. They would have done everything they can.
They aren’t expecting you to solve their problem
They are hoping to get insights to help them understand/ accept their possible futures.
Tell that, if you have any
If he can't fight for what you both have .. maybe it's not worth fighting from his POV. 🤷🏻♂️. He can trade it off. Isn't it that simple..?
Hi,
Your post reminds me of my past when I was completely shaterred once my love decided to leave me due to parental pressure. Thought of lot of non-sensical stuff on how life would turn out.
However, its been 11 years now and in this journey I met someone I can trust and who has been with me in the thick and thin. Have never regreted my decision and never thought of goijg back to change anything.
Hapenned to cross path with ex and happily smiled.
You see life is not a fairytale. You’re life can’t be perfect. You won’t get everything you desire. Accept it. Life will punch you right there it would hurt the most. Somethings you can’t control. I am sure you have a list of things you desire and try achieving other things which are directly under your control..Like making hell lot of money, travelling etc etc. But just don’t be miserable. Most marriages love or arranged are not very happy happy lovey dovey. Move on and get married to someone and reproduce. Children make you happy. Marry someone who has similar interests like yours.
A family that drinks together or parties, doesn't mean they are unorthodox/liberal/progressive. That is a very wrong idea. If casteism runs in their family, nothing can change that. You need to come to terms with it. Also, since your relationship was for a very long term, did you both not discuss these things from the beginning? If yes and he is not taking a stand for you now, he's spineless and don't expect much from him. Even if you somehow manage to convince him for marriage, there's a high chace he will not take a stand for you in future as well. Please don't waste your time and energy on convincing yourself, him or his family.....not worth it. Try to work on yourself and build such a strong sense of self-respect and self-love that no one is ever able to hurt you emotionally like this. Seek therapy if needed. Focus on your career, because when everybody leaves you, it is the only thing that will stay with you and support you. All the very best! ❤️
I had an intercaste marriage four months ago, I knew her for 10 years
15 yrs Of togetherness is a lot to simply forget.
So many memories of innocence and Petty fights over nothing which you would laugh off later.
Things you would tease him for while he would not miss any chance to pull your leg or your cheeks, cause why not.
Cuddling with his arms around in the night and waking up to his cute face in the mornings.
Feeling him inside you and hiding the hickeys with make up the day after.
You would have imagined and did everything possible with him, so no it's not easy to forget at all.
It will take some years for sure.
Now one tricky part is that someone through a relationship can help you out of it, but not everyone will even be willing to give you a chance after spending 15 years with someone else, it might be hard on them too to understand.
Hence a lot of rejections might be there because of this. But THE ONE will definitely come to take you all in.
So the question is that are you willing to sacrifice on looks and open to revealing your past before dating someone?
Dating someone with similar life experience will definitely help
Similar situation I am facing .. 10 years of relationship...I am vaishya and he is yadavs ..My family is not accepting our marriage bcs he is low caste than us ...we love each other sooo much.....we both are equally fighting .....But it's not going to happen..😭why God will bring 2 people close and seperate them like this .... I want to die...😭😭
You should wait for some more time, if both will stick to the decision then it will happen one day, I have also waited for more then 7 years and it worked well for me , now it's happy lovely life.