Loneliness person in the world

M27. I have been working in IT for 6 years now and Since my childhood i was bullied for my physical appearance being short and thin. I couldn't make much friends in school and had very few friends in college. People ignore me no matter what. I tried to be good and interesting with people but I couldn't make any trustworthy friends with whom I can enjoy have fun and share my life. I just know many people.

I really get depressed and suicidal when seeing people of my age being happy and enjoy their life.i lost my father 4 years ago so I had to take of my mother. I cracked a decent government job and still I'm not happy with my life. I feel like I'm the loneliest person ever. No real friends, relatives almost abondoned me and my mother after my dad's death. I wanted to make friends with my colleagues at the workplace seems my team is from all over India and I'm the only person in my office location.

I have no friends to party with. No real friends to hang around and share my life. Literally noone. I had one best friend since childhood and he went abroad now, so we only speak sometimes. I don't know what to do, I'm getting suicidal day by day, dying day by day. Meanwhile it seems everyone is having fun and enjoying themselves with partners, families and friends. I have never even gone on a long trip with my friends after college. Nobody wishes me even for my birthday except very very few 😭. I have never celebrated my birthday in my entire life with friends. Nobody ever speaks and messages to me first, even when I try they just respond and can't really make a connection out of it.

I'm hopeless in life now. Yesterday I came back from a 5 day solo trip from Meghalaya. I have noone to really plan a trip except solo. People like me shouldn't have existed in the first place. We are the god's least favourable humans.