I Need Honest Advice – I’m Confused, Guilty, and Scared

I really need honest advice. I know I may be wrong somewhere, and I’m ready to hear the truth.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend since the first year of college. I passed out in 2024, and until the end of 2024 I was sure I would marry him. We both got placed in the same company with the same work location, so we started living together in Pune.

But since January 2025, I’m not sure about marrying him anymore.

We love each other, but our relationship has been very toxic. He verbally abuses me and has beaten me multiple times. There were times my lips were cut and bleeding, clumps of my hair came out, and I had blood clots on my body. I’ve cried alone in the bathroom while he slept peacefully. Sometimes I sat outside in society at night for hours crying, and he didn’t even come to check on me.

I admit in the past I also hit him 2–3 times during fights, but I decided I would never raise my hand again — and I didn’t. However, when he abuses me and I respond back with the same words, he starts beating me again. He says he is a “little dominating” person.

Since college, he restricted my social life. He didn’t want me to have male friends. Even if one boy was in a group, I wasn’t allowed to go. I skipped team parties, birthdays, outings — everything. I agreed at that time.

Many of my friends have suggested that I should leave this relationship. But whenever I think about ending it, I start remembering the good days. Obviously, there were good moments too. That’s why I’m still here.

Honestly, many times from the beginning of the relationship, I had thoughts about ending it. But then I used to think about “what will people say?” Now I think about the timeline — I’ve already given so many years. Is it fair to leave now? Is it fair to ditch him after everything?

I genuinely wish good for him in his life. I don’t hate him.

Recently, I met someone in my society (3 years older than me). We started talking normally. I didn’t intend anything, but slowly I felt attached. He told me he’s not looking for anything serious. I also don’t want anything casual or timepass. But we walk together almost every weekend and talk for hours. He listens, understands, and cares — which I feel is missing in my current relationship.

Now I feel like I’m emotionally involved with two people. I’m not physically involved with the society guy, but emotionally I feel I’m moving away from my boyfriend.

At the same time, when my boyfriend is in a good mood, he talks nicely. He says he will work on himself. When I see him like that, I feel guilty — like I’m cheating him.

I’m also scared. I haven’t lived alone for many years. I’m afraid of loneliness. What if I leave and the society person later thinks I’m not good enough for him or that he deserves better and leaves me too? What if I end up alone?

I’m stuck between:

Staying and hoping he truly changes.

Leaving and seeing if I’m more compatible with someone else.

Or leaving both and learning to live alone.

I feel guilty. I feel scared. I feel confused.

Please give honest advice.