I fucked my first job!

Calm down. There are some of us who have made a mess in production deployments in our first job. Just calm down, face whatever they throw at you. If not this you'll find something good. Don't worry

please go to that meeting with open mind without any expectations

You work in finance. I guess your fuck up couldn't be bigger than this.

https://www.livemint.com/industry/banking/how-citi-gave-away-900-mn-by-mistake-11613666006947.html

So just remember people have messed things up really bad especially in first jobs but that doesn't define them or their career. It's how you get back up that matters and I am sure you will do fine.

This is not how the industry.
Just the big 4 from what I have heard.

If really unexpected happens take this as a sign and get into a good company. Where you will be respected as an Individual

Big4 except Deloitte is basically a complete shitshow. It is where you start your career but leave as soon as bond period is over.

It happens buddy ensure you do not loose confidence. Better find different organisation. Speaking based on my experience I was in same situation in my first job, switched and the org was better I have committed many mistakes never once was a fuss. Only response is you learn

Oof !

I’m sorry you’re going through this, that sounds awful. You’re not “stupid” or “good for nothing” you’re a person being chewed up by a bad situation, and anyone would crack under that pressure.

For the meeting tomorrow: breathe, take notes, ask for concrete examples and expectations, and don’t let vague accusations become your self-worth. If your TL keeps playing the witch card, ask for one follow-up email summarizing what was said it forces clarity and saves you from gaslight-style confusion.

Also: please don’t carry the “I should’ve” guilt alone, you tried, you showed up, and that matters. If you ever feel like you might hurt yourself, please reach out to someone right now a trusted friend, family member, or a local crisis line you don’t have to handle this alone. If you want to vent more or need a little pep talk before the meeting, my DMs are open.

You were sunshine once, there’s no rule saying it can’t come back.

Fight your fight And show your're back 🔥
Because legends are those
Who never lose their track 🔥

But why are you even thinking about taking your life? It’s just a job. If this one doesn’t work out, you will find a better job. Life doesn’t revolve around a job, a job is part of life, not life itself. I also had a terrible experience at my first company. My manager was abusive and used to shout at me and my colleagues in the cubicle and I started shouting at him back once I gained 3 years experience in my 1st company. But once I switched jobs, my life got better. Even at TCS my life was stressful for 2.5 years because of a bad manager, but after that I had amazing managers on multiple projects. The first company is only for gaining experience; whether it’s good or bad, it doesn’t define your future. TCS is my fourth company. Just make sure you don’t waste any more time at TCS. Always go with the flow and whatever happens its always god's plan.

Reading this while i have committed to complete a feature by end of week and I know shits gonna get ballistic, as I am having dead backpain and headache and cannot get my body to even move.