HELP: Internal Screams are getting Shriler and contagious!
I always thought I was average. Turns out, I might actually be below average, whose brain is on auto mode.
I’m not even sure how to structure this post,it’s more of a self-reflection, or bluntly put, a pile of frustrations that’s been building up over the past few months.
To be fair, life hasn’t gone completely downhill. I’m not in survival mode, and I’m grateful for what I have,many people don’t even get that much. But the nagging question remains: was it all worth it?
The Past 7–8 Months:
The last several months have been humbling. They’ve exposed a lot of flaws in my approach,especially the massive gap between my expectations and my actual effort. It’s been a crash course in facing my own shortcomings.
Sometimes I feel like Govinda after his streak of hits,he refused to adapt and evolve with the industry. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing in my own way.
Who I Am I’m 22, a fresh graduate from an almost-tier-1 college.
But here’s the reality: I’ve had a laid-back, non-growth mindset. I can be arrogant like Sheldon, but with Sid’s habits. I’m not a consistent learner I chase procrastination, get grumpy when things don’t click, and often drag others down with my mood. I’m also a poor communicator.
And yet, I aspire to be a Product Manager,a role that demands clarity, depth, structure, and curiosity. Unfortunately, those are exactly the things I lack right now.
The Pattern:
I keep procrastinating on learning even the basics. This post itself took me three weeks to finish. I tell myself, “I’ll learn it when it’s really needed,” and then regret it when opportunities slip away.
Take my summer internship for example. I worked at a big-name firm and did decent work, but due to a merger, the PPO got canceled. Instead of preparing for the next opportunities, I overestimated the brand on my résumé.
I skipped brushing up on common interview topics like guesstimates and RCAs. Rejections followed.
Even when I prepared better in later interviews, I missed out on nuances. It felt like my brain was on auto-pilot,working, but not really working with me.
Current Internship I eventually landed another internship in my domain. But the story repeated itself:
My initial contract got extended, mostly because of my lack of depth and ownership.
I tend to “just make things work” instead of making them efficient.
My role is more operator than owner.
My manager doesn’t trust me yet with ownership-driven work.
Meanwhile, my teammates are solving big, long-term problems,like AI integrations and full journey revamps,while I’m tweaking screens to make them more marketable.
Sure, I’ve learned SQL and some personalization processes, but it makes me question if my contribution really matters.
Beyond Work: To make things worse, I even messed up in dating. And all these experiences combined have planted deep self-doubt in me:
Am I competent enough? Was everything I achieved so far just luck? Am I destined to remain average,or worse, below average?
The Struggle Here’s the paradox:
I can’t push myself to start learning, even when I want to.
But when I do put in effort, I usually see results.
For example, I reached the final round of a well-funded wealthtech internship after just a couple of weekends of interview prep with GPT mocks.
But I still got rejected,the interviewer sensed that I lacked curiosity, that I was too focused only on my part of the project instead of understanding its foundation.
Even in academics, I had a backlog from first year. I barely scraped through it after forcing myself to study. Most of the opportunities I’ve gotten have come through cold outreach on LinkedIn rather than consistent, disciplined preparation.
Where I Am Now: It feels like ADHD, procrastination, and self-sabotage are ruining everything. I don’t know if I should consult a psychologist, psychiatrist, or someone else. The inner noise just keeps getting louder.
And yet, there’s one thing I know for sure: whenever I’ve put in real effort, it’s worked out for me. The problem isn’t capability,it’s consistency and discipline. Right now, I’m stuck between knowing what I want, being aware of my flaws, and still not being able to break out of the cycle.
That’s where I stand today,confused, reflective, and hoping to figure it out.
If you are sure of ADHD diagnosis or have an official one from a psychiatrist, try some medicines for it. I've heard they help a lot with clarity and focus.
That being said, maybe you're expecting too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with being average or below average as long as you are okay with it.
Yes, one can become exceptional with hard work. But it also comes at a cost more often than not. Time, energy, motivation, health etc.
Being more realistic about your expectations will be better for your mental health in the long run. Try not to become your own bully. It's not a good place to be in.
+1 completely agree 👍
You’re only 22 years old. Why are you trying to become a Product Manager at such a young age? You’re trying to bite off more from life than you are capable of chewing.
Being any kind of manager takes maturity and understanding of the real world and business, which comes from experience, not the tier of your college.
You are young and inexperienced, so have targets in line with your current capabilities. Learn some tech skills and start working in a junior data analyst or junior programmer role, and work in it for 5-10 years.
By that time, you will get real world experience and understanding of how the world and businesses work, and how products are built. After 5-10 years, you will be able to much more easily transition to a Product Manager role at that point.
Don’t torture yourself and your mental health by having goals far beyond your current level of skills, capabilities, and life experience.
Yeah, I understand am too young to be a proper product manager, but my main grief is about being less compliment than my peers, and am not able to improve it, unable to think and analyze deeper, not training my brain enough to be the best.
I want to get rid of my casual laid back attitude, if I don't, currently am missing out on manger trust later will miss out on promotions and stuff.
This lack of character and self doubt is increasing the pitch of those Screams!
I don't want to be an average, and I know only shouting on text won't cutt it, and will have to get rid of this wimpy nature first.
While not from a good college or course, I often feel the same way. I guess it seems from knowing/believing that you can do better but not actually doing better.
EXACTLY!
Talk to a therapist, it really helps!
