25M, earning, building my life — but home has turned into a war zone

Apologies in advance, had to use chatgpt to arrange everything

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I’m 25. I work in a private job, earn decently, save consistently, and don’t have debt. I’ve been working on myself seriously — gym, diet, discipline. Visible physical progress. People around me notice and appreciate it.

I’m in a serious relationship with a girl I genuinely love. She’s slightly older than me.

Now the problem.

At home, everything I do is seen as ego or rebellion. If I cook my own food → it’s “arrogance.” If I follow a strict diet → it’s “showing off.” If I go to the gym → I’ve “changed.” If I forget a small thing (like not closing a door) → it becomes a full lecture about how I have no discipline and live in “another world.”

The real turning point was one day when my mom screamed at my girlfriend in our house. It wasn’t a disagreement. It was aggressive, loud, humiliating. The kind of screaming where you lose control.

Later she even admitted she thought after that incident my girlfriend would leave me. Almost like that was the intention — to break us up.

On top of that, she keeps accusing my girlfriend of trying to “occupy the house” or take over property.

The irony? My girlfriend and I were planning to live separately after marriage. That’s also a problem to my mom. She says “why will my son stay in a different house.”

So according to her:

• If we stay in her house → my girlfriend is trying to occupy it.

• If we plan to stay separately → I’m abandoning family and ruined.

There’s no winning position.

She also says she can’t speak about me proudly in society anymore because I’m not following her ideals. That I’m like my father (who cheated in the past). That I’ve forgotten her love.

Small issues escalate quickly. Silence builds tension. Then comes screaming.

The person I love has been insulted. I’ve been threatened with police complaints before. My job has been indirectly threatened (“one complaint and your private job is gone”).

At the same time, I’m scared.

Scared of society blaming me.

Scared of future marriage drama.

Scared that if anything goes wrong publicly, everyone will blame the son and bride.

Scared that trying to build my own life makes me the villain. I plan to move out gradually in 1–2 years. Not dramatically. Not impulsively. Just safely.

I don’t hate my family. But I don’t feel emotionally safe either.

Am I ungrateful for wanting autonomy?

Or is this just what growing up looks like in a control-heavy household?