Architect

How to Lose Your Mind: A Cautionary Tale of Faking It

I'm 29, single, and living in Pune. I've been working as a backend developer for nearly 5 years. I joined a large IT services firm straight out of college. Today, my salary stands at 14 LPA. Recently, I got allocated to a premium client project as a Lead Blockchain Spatial Architect. Sounds like a massive leap? It's not. The client calls I sit through are a brutal nightmare. They make it painfully clear how deep in the mud I am. I don't know the basics of spatial computing. I have no grasp of Web3 protocols, no clue about distributed ledgers. My actual blockchain experience? Don't ask. I've spent years learning Java, but the bench was looming. I said yes to the allocation. I chased the billing code instead of actual skills. I lied so hard that I now have to pretend to be an expert in a technology that barely exists. Two of my five years were spent mastering backend systems. In this new role, I spend my days sweating on calls. I ignored my actual career path. I chose the comfort of being billable over professional integrity. And I paid the price. When I finally had to deliver an architecture document last Wednesday, I realized it was complete garbage. Not because I didn't try. But because I don't know what I'm doing. I work in constant fear of being exposed. The client I'm fooling could drop me with a single email. This isn't a funny anecdote. I'm not fishing for laughs. In fact, my family is tired of my constant panic. But here's why I'm writing this: Let me be your cautionary tale. Don't fake your core competencies Don't stay stuck in the trap of buzzword bingo. Don't avoid the bench if it means lying to clients. Don't assume your basic coding skills will carry you forward. They won't. They are now just a useless safety net while I drown in acronyms. If you want to grow, you have to be honest. You have to say no. Otherwise, you'll end up like me, realizing too late that you've built a house of cards. I am the architect of my own anxiety. I built this trap with my own lies.

XREAL Unveils Game-Changing AR Glasses with X1 Chip

- XREAL introduces the XREAL One Series AR glasses, featuring the new X1 spatial computing chip, at CES 2024. - The X1 chip offers low latency, high-definition viewing, and a customizable cinematic virtual screen, enhancing the AR experience. - Available in December 2024, the XREAL One Series promises a significant leap in AR technology with advanced features and developer support. Source: [Zdnet](https://www.zdnet.com/article/these-xreal-ar-glasses-let-you-experience-spatial-computing-for-a-fraction-of-the-cost-of-vision-pro/), [Pr Newswire](https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/introducing-xreal-one-series-worlds-first-cinematic-ar-glasses-with-x1-independent-spatial-computing-chip-for-complete-spatial-screen-control-302322181.html)

From Big 4 to BPO, the epic story of my unfathomable downfall

It all starts in 2020, where I slogged my ass to score 92 percentile in my JEE, but as covid ravaged everything and with looming uncertainty, coupled with my family's precarious financial condition to satiate the ludicrous fees of private engineering colleges in Mumbai, I settled for a local college. Somehow, after running myself through tutorial hells on YT and madly skimming technical books for specific skills, I somehow was able to make a small dent in the security industry with multiple hall of fames, and a few bounties from a few big players. Thankfully, right after my graduation in 2023, I got picked up by EY for an interview, and got selected as an intern, but it lasted for a short while, as the ripples of covid affected, the team stopped all new hiring and even laid off a few folks (including my interviewer who later was laid off and immediately switched), so I was left to forage the job market again. As if it couldn't get worse, the existing fault lines in my mental health resurfaced, giving me panic attacks, anxiety and pushing me to the point where I couldn't stop murmuring with no one around, causing me to see psychiatrists, eventually confining me to my room for almost a year, struggling to keep my tech skills fresh and sharp. I finally left my room with a functional enough mind in December, only to be stamped "gap-year" on my profile. So, I resorted to applying even for peanut packages, but as none reverted back, I applied for any and every job remotely affiliated to IT, got a few small gigs for WordPress paying couple of thousands, but I took it. From applying on those shady job apps, where people typically go for blue/grey collor work to visiting these small and cheap software companies (almost all their names were suffixed by "software solutions" run by bossy uncles who's tummies sticking out) trying to convince the Marathi speaking HRs to hire me unpaid until I generate value for them. I was paid no heed, despite promising them to pick up any framework/language within 2 weeks which their company required, but they were too apprehensive of inexperienced folks. Failing to get my foot in the door in IT, I applied for run off the mill white collor jobs of the lowest tier, and got a few offers paying me peanuts to handle customer calls and solve their queries, which I reluctantly accepted as I perhaps have lost all prowesses (thanks to those mind altering meds) I once possessed, except for my English. Feeling of insult and unworthiness set in after seeing people working besides (many were school and college dropouts, or had shitty degrees like BBA etc) speaking rudimentary English, while I had to suppress my vocab and change my accent to not seem too smart for the job. I've honestly lost hopes and everything seems, folk! Need someone to pull me out of the abyss or shall I drown?