What is love? How to find one?

Hello, generally people do have short term or long term goals, I had two long term goals 1 to get settled carrier wise which is done almost two year of hard work and now I am stable 2 to get married and live a stable life in which I am not sure why I am failing, below are details of person with whom I lived but at this point I don't know what is love or with whom i can live rest of my life

1. Partner 1 - My maine relationship that started in my school and ended 2years back , it was for 8 long years , the person is now married , I have lived and enjoyed my adolescence with that person. These 8 years were full of love , romance and fights. She tried to breakup multiple times before but I never let her go and whatever issue she was having i said i'll fix it , issues like - me asking her to get more involed me in , to talk to me more , she says she is not having "me time" so being fine if she don't msg or talk much with me. She even once cheated in 2019 which one of her batch mate in ssc cgl who is a year younger and breakup with me for him. I shouted on her so bad and later she realised her mistake and apologised but since then she was not much into me. Consequences on my life - I am one women man and she was enough for me so in my entire college life and few starting years of my job i didn't interacted with people i.e. i didn't make any friends because she was enough to talk share or go out. On the other hand she was social and had many friends. Breakup - we were from different background , we already discussed in initial time there is no future as there is caste difference, she was above me. But we lived in present and enjoyed without thinking about much. Whe she finally breakup in 2023 she said i shouted on her so bad that now she scares from me and cannot live , she is not even considering caste at this point (i shouted whe she cheated on me in 2019). And within a year she was engaed and took few more months to get married.
2. I met her on shadi.com , we talk sold 7 months , she lived in mumbai and worked as banker , she was a mba and persuing phd, she came to meet me in delhi and then after returning proposed me and said now its final and she will marry but out of no where one day she started a fight that I don't seem serious and ended everything , i tried alot saying sorry but she said no. I don't drink or smoke , but in her mba college life she use to live in flat , she enjoyed her life i.e. smoking drinking full night, doing parties with random people , my only ask from her was that if we get married then she should consider reducing her friend circle and do smoke or drink with only me, but she everytime fights on this and said she is very smart and knows everything but don't want to leaver her 7 friends and wants to be able to drink sometimes with friends , once twice a years may b. She was never stopped by her parents for anything but even if i say anything correct she use to fight and everytime take it in negative scenes saying I am not that stupid , I know it.
3. arranged marriage scenario, parents let us meet , we talked for 2 hours in our first meeting then talked for like 10 days on whats app then final meeting in cp ,she work as auditor in deloitte usi , everything was matching she was not into friends or drinking and even family background was good and everyone was so sure that we will finalize until when i cliked a picture in our last meeting , she was short 5'1" and I am 6' in intial time as well I asked her 2-3 times if she is fine with height difference but at last after clicking photo when i asked she toom a day time and said no. . That she also thinks now that height is more , why initially she said ok but later no, even though i also pointed it multiple times but what about all other things that matched?.

After my first relation it already got my senses dead , I do flirting, make her blush , i ask straight if you can take care on my parents , prioritise us , involed in solving fights , not into enjoying life and 95% straight away say no and remaining take sometime to say no. The person for whom I was ready to sacrifise myself didn't want me The person from whom i care, wanted to correct her bad things didn't want me The person whom i discussed everything practically, about life , about future , about family , get manupulated on same thing I she was not having issue in day 1 I respect their POV and don't think or say anything bad about them , whatever anyone do to me I feel bad initially but later I thought may b they were not able to get what they were looking from me, so its their fair call. But being stupid in love doesn't give anything neither being logical and practicle , what is love? Is it a myth? (Pov- 8 years with 1 person is huge, now a days even marriages dont last this , I already lived a life , almost a decade with someone, I will not mind understanding what i did wrong or what is needed even if it is your beginning)