Unable to get out of my current situation. Need suggestions.
Posting on behalf of my friend as she is off social media aa suggested by her therapist.
32F. Sorry for the long post. I come from a very simple background and have always been studious and ambitious. I’ve worked hard to build a career because that was my only option to secure a good future.
Amid all this, I met a guy with a similar mindset, and we connected well. We dreamed of building a life together, and now we've been in a relationship for five years. He is a very genuine person, respects everyone, and loves me a lot.
Now comes the twist—he has an older sister who is currently unemployed due to some bad career decisions, and her marriage hasn’t been fixed yet. There's no guarantee when it will happen. Because of this, our marriage is also on hold, as in our culture, it is considered a taboo for the younger brother to get married before the elder sister. I don’t fully understand this belief, but it is creating an obstacle.
His family lives together in Bangalore, and our last option is to get married before his sister. However, I don’t want to stay with his sister because she is toxic, and even his entire family acknowledges this. I have seen too much drama in traditional households, and I am scared to step into such an environment. I am not blindly in love to ignore this reality.
The second option is to break up and move on because I am also facing a lot of pressure from my family. But arranged marriage isn’t working out for me either and he is also not letting me go as break up is not the solution as per him but I can’t see solution also.
I feel stuck. Please suggest what I should do."
For his sister if u r ready to break up your 5 yrs old relationship then I don’t think it would be right choice . U will not be able to forget that person and ur upcoming future would be very bad . I agree with the first person reply , get engaged. Also ask your bf to insist for getting married asap
True.
Buddy, trust me if that lady(sister) is there your friend won’t make it at all, it is going to be very disturbing for your friend. She will face daily drama in house and and once your friend is married that guy (BF) will not support your friend every time (where he will have to take decision between sister and wife). Life will literally become like we see on any TV Serial (saas bahu wala). If she (sister) is toxic thn this is going to happen. If your friend is working/earning thn she won’t be able to mange all these things plus let’s say if sister is not going to marry for rest of the life, thn your friend is done for the life time, she have to take care of her too if sister will not earn in future.
Things will get better only if sister becomes a good lady like besties + earning income on her own . Life will be easy.
Telling all these things only because same situation is there in one of my relative’s family every time hear all these things I also think that how a person is managing all these because it’s not even like that person is bothering in once in a month, IT’S DAILY ROUTINE. Aj ye hua, aj ke kia, aj ye bhasad keeps going on.
If your friend still wants ki wahi ladke ke saath future plan krna hai thn tell her to sort out things first thn go ahead otherwise once she is married thn it will be difficult for her after that.
You are right
I think only getting engaged would be a better choice as you will be committed to him and also can wait until his sister gets married. About the taboo: it has a limit of age, after his sister crossed a certain age I don't think people will consider that as a taboo, because he cannot stop just because his sister isn't getting married.
I will also suggest this, lets see.
Ask him if he's ready to move into a new home with you with occasional visits to family. If he says yes only then go for it otherwise judging from what you have mentioned the older sister is going to be a big problem for you
This is going to be difficult because the guy feels guilty on leaving the family. I think it’s a deadlock.
