Hi, i feel my ex has taken emotions from me. I am currently in another relationship, things are ok, i am happy not much fight but i dont feel the excitement and the charm that i use to feel in my earliler relationship. Earlier was my first serious relationship. I use to feel so excited when the phone rungs up. Use to wait for her call in the evening. Use to finish office work at night so that i can talk to her during daytime. I use to spare my sleep and when she does not call me on time or whenever i use to feel that i am not being valued, it used to trigger me. But now i am like, whatever happens i will sleep at right time, i dont wait for any calls, i dont excited. I feel somewhere i am being selfish. For me now ,i comes first above everything. My mental health matters the most. But sometimes, i feel that somewhere sometimes are wrong. So part of emotions are gone. I feel like new person. Somewhere i am feeling that my current relationship is blank but it is really peaceful and healthy and it is no where affecting my mental health.
But that charm guy is gone. For me now, my career matters and everything about me matters above all.
Being someone who studied metallurgy, stress after a limit causes deformation in a material and thus changes the properties of the material or rather improves the material property and i think the same happened me as well.
But somewhere i feel , it would have been great if i could feel that same excitement again. It was great to experience.
These thoughts were revolving around my mind for sometime. Thought of sharing it here
We hear you mate and you're not alone. A lot many people out there who face similar concerns like yours.
Things that I can say reflecting back on my dating life -
Make time for yourself, do things that you love doing and prioritize them. If you're not happy from within being with someone wouldn't make you happy either.
Don't jump right into relationships, the boyfriend-girlfriend tag looks easy but isn't. Relationships are work, day-in and day-out. Showing up is important. If it feels like work then it isn't making you happy. Take a pause and self reflect.
Take a break and self heal first. It's not just about you when you're in a relationship, you're also affecting somebody else's life. Ideally, take a good pause when you switch from one relationship to another. Heal, meet friends, go out and play, sweat in the gym, eat food that you love, explore places and meet new people, dance your heart out on the dj, drink and get wasted. Do everything. Healing takes time, healing takes effort. Do it so that you don't make the same mistakes again in your next relationship. Walk out of your last relationship completely and then walk into another.
Don't expect. You'll be hurt if you expect but that doesn't mean you settle for bare minimum, communicate things with your partner. Tell them you want to watch your favourite movie with them, send them just because flowers when they tell you that they had a bad day, go for a date to your favourite spot, banter hard with them when you go for bowling/go-karting/air-hockey. Tell them how you feel and make space for their feelings too. When you fight, try not to react first. Take a step back, try to see where they are coming from and then tell them how you feel and if something they did or said hurt you, apologize if you hurt them and make conscious effort to make sure they know you're working towards it.
Baaki bhai, pyaar karo logon se. Log aaj hai, kal nahi isliye jo dil mein hai bol do, mann mein rakhne se ya yeh sochne se ki woh khud figure out karein iss cheez ko khud hi pareshaan hoge. Isse badhiya, jaisa hai waisa bata do. Itna hard nahi hota hai pyaar karna. Jisse pyaar karte ho uske liye mehnat karna bhi mehnat jaisa nahi lagta hai. Khush raho, aabaad raho.
@Hyeeete - From your explanation it feels like your emotions and psych/ trust got so hurt in your previous relationship and you have become completely defensive to protect your feelings, which is avoiding you from being vulnerable to someone else again. I've been there too so I kinda feel that alot. Healing takes time and it certainly can't be forced just because you have move to a new relationship. So, be kind to yourself and slowly things will get better. Try doing something with your current partner that builds the trust back. Infact, I feel like most genuine relationships actually doesn't make your heart flutter or butterflies alot, it just feels peaceful, simple, steady and easy so that, you both can focus on something else together to build/do something great. Instead of getting stuck at fixing each other up. Your metallurgy reference is great and valid, and I think that how diamonds are formed after a lot of stress and pressure, okay, now thoda senti hogaya, but hope you got the point.
Its not the emotions that were taken but rather the energy. Give yourself some time when you get back that energy you will start losing sleep again😄
Happiness is a concept that was made to make you believe that you lack something and you can get by spending 💰. But what you feel is normal.
Just look at people when you go out if you really see most of them live a zombie life..
You are a good guy who thinks deeply abt life..
If you really want to improve your relationship try being more open go on dates more often and stay fit.. also i would highly recommend Naval ravikant talks..
Good luck may God be with you brother...
Do something which you are never experienced. Eg: trekking Going and staying in mountains. People in the mountains are really sweet. I suggest if you can, go to Hanle in ladakh. There is very little network coverage but it is really peaceful and the people are really nice. You will feel that constrast from a city life. Himachal also, you can try.
If you like cycling, go for cyling. Cover some distance which is challenging.
Whenever i am tired of same routine, i do challenge myself.
Welcome to reality.. honeymoon period always ends with the first one.. that's why it's special
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