Relationship woes
I recently told my boyfriend of 8 years that i want my single mother to stay with me after marriage. And he said its a norm that guy's parents can stay with couple but not girl's parents ,that he can't go against his family, and that it doesn't happen in general whereas he is expecting me to pay rent and share home loan emi but is nt this controlling behaviour . I am so shocked now.
Why is this requirement coming now after 8 years? If something is not normal you need to state it right from the beginning.
And you think both your parents can live under the same roof? Will it even be possible?
Great point. At the first thought of marriage, it should have become apparent to both sides that her mother will stay with her (being single mother specially), or else she should have told him explicitly. I am sure marriage talks won’t have come after 8 yrs of courtship…
I never assumed he would be opposing this..i got to know only when i brought up this time..
You better back off to avoid any issues after your marriage. Not only for your mother, he seems to be in his own old era of things happening as he wishes.
Wow! These kinds of situations really make me give a second thought on marriage...
For marriage, especially a long lasting one, its very necessary to be on common ground on
- "most" of the - crucial decisions (families, finance and responsibilities)
- at least a few - long term goals (family planning, career aspirations, investments)
In your situation...
You are not in common ground on finance and family!
Get into an uncomfortable discussion, have a sensible talk, and at least settle up for minimum common understanding...
-
Family - You don't want your parents in "same" house, how about having 3 flats on the same floor, may be same building, or may be same area, but finances of all 3 to be splitted equally..
-
Rent and Loan: I mean you are not marrying because in future you might separate! You are marrying to be there for each other till death arrives! Just split, you will be a family, you will be a soulmate!
-
Your in-laws have lived their life, marriage is the final responsibility, now all they have to do is rest in peace! Applies to both, brides and grooms parents... Interference in the child's marriage on having kids, or preventing their daughter-in-law or son-in-law from bonding with their real family should not be acceptable, at least in the 21st century ..
You still have enough time... Just try to get on common grounds or decide whats better -> 8 years of life vs the rest of your life!
