Reasonable expectations from partner?
- Willing to travel often, once every few months
- Supporting parents through old age
- Entrepreneurial nature/mindset
- Isn't driven by money but passion for change
- Is grounded in reality and not insta addicted
- Willing to adopt kids (in the future)
- Isn't alcoholic or addicted to substances
- Doesn't judge people, tries to be empathetic
- Doesn't go extreme with emotions or mood swings
- Values experiences and people over things
- Values fitness and health, diet and exercise
Just been thinking about what kind of a long term partner I'd like to have for myself and came up with this list. Seems like too much to expect though, haven't really found a lot of people who check all or even most of the boxes.
Wouldn't mind marrying such a woman but I doubt I'll find one. Is this list reasonable?
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Money is important and financial capability is more important than what people think
I spoke to a woman in Gurgaon earning more than 60lpm, still lonely af because most guys are outside her income level. It was especially weird to see because she said she herself came from a modest background , but now can't go back to that modest mindset or lifestyle.
She's also surrounding herself with shitty rich fuccbois who will probably not treat her well.
Too much money ends up isolating people more often than not in my experience, regardless of gender.
Many men around 30 ish earn more than 60 lpm.
But finding someone at that age is difficult despite the income levels.
Usually people luck out with relationship that grow along with your paychecks.
Hard coded expectations are the root of all disappointments.
It's always good to be clear of your wants & have a wish list, you 'may' find someone who ticks these off to a varying degree.
In my experience the biggest divergences in marriages are because of:
Financial habits Food habits Engaging with immediate & broader family
Immediate and broader family engagement is where I've seen most clashes happen between a couple. Everything else can still be managed to a great extent.
I wish there was an easier way to involve families while maintaining healthy boundaries.
This is a really interesting discussion tbh. This list of expectations feels rather transactional but relationships are build on trust and mutual respect. It feels like you are ordering a washing machine.
For a successful relationship, you should put in as much as you expect to get out of it. That’s where I’m seeing you have mentioned “usual expectations” from a guy. You are expecting a phenomenal women but willing to give back just the usual? That’s not really fair right?
Some of your list should to be basic for any partner - no substance abuse, domestic violence etc.
Some are things you should be able to communicate around and set clear expectations- children/adoption, supporting each others parents etc.
Some are just individual traits that you’ll have to get used to for the right person - relationship with money, value system etc
Some are probably from a bias you have - you say you expect a non judgmental partner but you seem to have judged women and generalised based on your experience with the women you have met. 🙂
PS: I am a gay man. I can tell you from my experience that living with any man is no cakewalk. Most men are self obsessed and often blind the their partners careers, passions and dreams. See how generalisation works? 😅
I used to like to think relationships aren't transactional and should be built on unconditional love, but I've come to realise marriages/dating is anything but unconditional. Family comes close , but even they are subject to conditions.
If the guy doesn't have shit together, doesn't know how to converse, doesn't know how to treat women correctly then there won't be women willing to entertain him, plain and simple. No question of unconditional love anywhere, there's immense pressure on guys to compete for women while they get away with single word responses and rude behaviour online/on apps because they have hundreds of guys waiting to endure bullshit from her.
I don't like to boast about myself, let's just say I'm not the average guy. Don't want to reveal too much here, will save it for the right woman who wants to know more.
As for my judgement/bias , it does come from a decade of speaking to hundreds of women on various apps in different cities (and also dating a bunch of them). The only caveat is most of them were through dating apps. Couldn't find other convenient ways to find and connect with women online, especially beyond tier 1 cities. The ones who are seriously interested in me, I'm not interested in them for various reasons (some stated above in the post).
I used to be a nerd with zero social skills who literally taught himself how to talk to women and date them. And I was horrified to see how little women care about men and their struggles. Every time I opened up to talk about my mental health or struggles in life, it was either sidelined or I was straight up dumped. Seen other men go through the same as well. Women are mostly all talk about wanting vulnerable guys but their biology betrays them. They lose attraction.
So yes, my generalizations come from lived experience along with studies I've read and researched. You don't get to more than 5-10 dates from dating apps unless you know women to a certain extent, how they operate and what they want.
I don’t think you are running this poll to get different perspectives, you seem to want to just prove yourself right. Good luck on your quest😀
Point 9 sounds reasonable in writing, but women can't help with mood swings at certain times. The hormone changes she goes through the month don't allow that
That's understandable. What i mean there is more of drastic actions and words. Have faced enough violence and abuse from women, don't wish to see more of that in the future. I don't think hormones are a good enough excuse to justify it.
It's not excuse, but reality But yes not a free card to crime
I feel you're just projecting your choices. Supporting parents almost always means that the guy expects the female partner to take care of the guy's parents in their old age. The guy would almost never move into their in-laws home.
Why do you expect her to be entrepreneurial? Can't she just do what she's doing. Similarly, she may or may not want kids. Talk about this before you marry.
I don't know about moving in, i think couples should ideally stay separate but nearby in case needed. That's why the travel point, freedom to travel to either one's hometown for brief stays if needed. Moving in if absolutely required. Have cared for ailing grandparents, can't imagine leaving parents alone in a different city anymore (either side).
Entrepreneurial mindset = knows what startup grinds are like as a founder. Should be okay with that rollercoaster for the partner at least, if not a direct contributor.
Kids are negotiable if all the other points are covered, not a deal breaker for me. I just prefer adoption over pregnancy.
Some of these are just preferences, and its your job to find a partner based on your preferences, isme expectation setting kis baat ki.
Some people enjoy being a homebody, tending to their plants, pets, themselves, and maybe dont like to travel often. Or don’t have an entrepreneurial mindset or what one.
Should not be too emotional-> people have feelings and their own ways of dealing with them, if their way of dealing with their emotions isnt your cup of tea. Don’t drink it, and move on.
Some points are valid as well, but should be taken with a grain of salt
Rather than getting validation for your preferences and creating a bias in your head. I’d say talk to people you are dating about your preferences and what do they think about them, and find someone that aligns with your core values. Baaki sab to adjust how jaata he
Not asking for validation of preferences, just wondering if it's reasonable to expect all these things.
Many of them are baseline behaviours as well, have met a few people that check most boxes but it's extremely rare. So I'm wondering what stuff can be compromised on.