Reaching out for help,Seniors of grapevine, Pls do read.
Hi Everyone.
Tier 2 CSE graduate, joined as SDE 1 in a product based organisation in Pune 2 months ago, got a PPO there on Aug 24.
My new team is very very busy with their own work and I do receive help, but rarely.
I am giving my best understanding the workflows and architecture, but the KT videos are quite improper and documentation is way too huge.
I got scolded by my TL and Manager, that I am not taking part in discussions and not giving my opinions. I am unable to understand all the workflows in a single go and it is taking time.
My team doesn't even consider me a member is what I feel, more like a burden.
They eat together and indirectly said they don't want to eat with me.
I am disappointed in myself too, that I am unable to understand things quickly and unaware about a lot of tech these guys are using.
Parallel my life isn't going in a direction either. Gym + work + studies to switch aren't happening and is putting a strain on my body.
I don't want to come in comfort zone.
I am getting suicidal thoughts that I failed myself and my parents.
My friends cracked good packages, their work always had results and I am no way close to them.
I don't know what to do now.
If things don't improve, I will consider ending things rather than living in a comfort zone.
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It seems you've had the misfortune of being placed in a team of assholes. Don't worry, mate, keep studying and trying to understand their systems, spend time debugging the important program flows (extremely useful imo), annoy them with any questions you may have, and eventually you'll start to gain a good understanding.
It'll take a few months to a year, but as long as you keep making just a little progress every day, you'll get there eventually, don't worry.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm speaking from experience, it's not just empty gyaan :)
May I know which company this is? Feel free to DM if you want
You are with the wrong people buddy. I was in almost in the phase in my first company. People treat you bad for no reason, sometimes it may be ur looks, or ur place or its may be their insecurities. There might be something in you that might be triggering their insecurities. Anyways thats up to them.
So what i can tell you is if possible, try to deal with these issues. For me, i was not in a position to leave the job at that time. So i had to survive somehow. But believe me, those experiences really helped me in my careers. I now know on how to handle toxic people.
Dont take things personally. You are there to work and make money. You dont need to bother on how ppl treat you. Prepare well and when a good opportunity comes jump thats it.
In case, i had a senior called Manish. Btw i joined my first company at the age of 27, didnot even know on how to open console. So this guy use to reply me after three weeks. At that time, i was clueless and not sure why this is happening. Later i learned everything my own.
Then had another toxic manager Sriram. He had escalated me for no reason saying that i was not even working for half a day.
So what i am saying learn well, be skillful and slowly u will feel powerful.
And experience does not only mean technical knowledge, it includes on how well u handle such people.
So if possible, be there try to deal with these people. I know its tough and not sure on whats going with you. Anyway, prepare for other opportunities, if u get a better one, just jump