Pursuit of Perfection!!

I feel like I’ve missed out on so much in life in my pursuit of perfection.

I’m the kind of person who always thinks I need to be a little better at something before I can achieve a goal. But when I do get better, I still feel like it’s not enough—and the cycle keeps repeating.

This mindset affects every aspect of my life. I keep chasing perfection and perfect outcomes, even though I might already be doing better than most people around me. For instance, I want a perfect girlfriend, a perfect job, and a perfect life. By "perfect," I don’t mean 100/100, but I constantly feel like I need to improve before I deserve those things.

Looking back, I realize I’ve missed out on so many experiences because of this.

For example, three years ago, I thought I could land a much better salary if I worked a little harder. In pursuit of that "very good package," I ended up stuck in the same company for 3.5 years without even getting a decent raise.

In college, I wanted a girlfriend who’d be "the one," someone I could marry. Because of that, I had this long list of expectations and didn’t allow myself to have a short-term or normal relationship. It’s not like I didn’t have chances—I did. But here I am at 26, single and never having been in a relationship.

What’s frustrating is that I feel like I work harder than a lot of people around me, yet they seem to have better lives.

On top of all this, I’m incredibly confused and indecisive. When I do make decisions, they often turn out to be wrong. There have been times when I backed out of decisions I made, only to later realize I should’ve stuck with them.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m like this. I want to change these habits, but it feels like I can’t—kind of like how some people just can’t lie, even if it would help them in an interview.

What do you think about this? Is there another way to look at these things? Or do I just not make sense?