Please give time to read and suggest me
Hi , I am a Sr software engineer working in wipro. Recently I am so tensed because of marriage, I want to get married but I am not able to maintain a stable connection with someone. I am from a delhi and belongs to a middle class family , we have grown from not even having plaster on my house walls to having a 4 floor 50gaz own house in delhi. I have seen times when my sister's don't even have slippers to wear. And because I have come from so low I am very down to earth , I don't do drink or smoke or do drugs. I always care for my family and in my school time use to walk a km to save 10rs , from today when I am having 25lpa package. I met a mumbai girl on shadi.com we talked for 7 months and it started with arguments to love and almost finalizing thing to time when she backout and said No. Now she is getting married somewhere and with me she had so many demands like I will not leave my friends , I will go party sometime , I will drink sometime and even though I don't do all these things ,I still asked her if she can do these in moderation I am fine but she never accepted anything, now today when she is getting married, she is getting married to a sub inspector 5 years elder to her. She didn't said a word to him and agreed for marriage. Now in my mind I was so stressed thinking if she could be so mindful of marriage then why she never said so in front of me when I asked and secondly if because of what happened between us , she became like this and killed her desires then I feel soo regret. Everyone I ask told me she was not the type of person I could handle she was very dominating, she expect things but when it comes to giving she says alot but never stick to her words. The best part in her was that she was very respectful to elders and helpful to even unknown. I asked her even basic basic things that will happen after marriage and her responses were fantastic but if I aske her to stop taking to her friends or if I don't like someone she just lost it and starts a fight. She lived in pg for her study in delhi few years back here she did everything, hukkah , smoke , alcohol , parties with very short dresses , and these parties were where she knows only few people and people were doing drugs and even threesome, if she was that senseable that like now she has given up on everything then why she didn't do it with me or if it was my fault that I have asked her and I should have belived that she will stop doing those things after marriage? I don't know if what happened was correct because of our choices or I should have given here more trust?
One interview, 1000+ job opportunities
Take a 10-min AI interview to qualify for numerous real jobs auto-matched to your profile 🔑
I would suggest to find someone who’s born and brought up in a family similar to your family. Also don’t go for IT working girl. I’m not blaming any IT professional girls, but I believe they’ll not fit in your family considering your family progress. Better to look for a local area’s girl instead of any other state. And most importantly, tell everything about yourself and your family so that she can understand you better and if she can cope with you then go for her.
Why IT girls are bad, why are categorising??
No one is good or bad. It depends on the person you’re interacting with.
In this case also I’m not saying IT girls are bad. Main point is, their lifestyle and expectations are different from what the author of this post is looking for.
Dekh bhai, seedhi baat.. jo hua wo achhe keliye hua.
Aur thora housewife wali ladki se shadi krlo wo bhi rishtedari main. Not from online sites.
Wo tumhare liye better rhega cause you're soft heart person. Use jhel nahi pate tum..
Dusra Atul Subhash hone se bach gaye.. congrats to you.
If you don't drink & smoke, don't look for girls who drink or smoke. You're going to fit their lifestyle anytime. Look for someone who is below middle class, so she knows the value of family and hard earned money. God Bless.
I want but in this 21st century almost everyone does it , so even though I have a problem but just to be accepted in the society I don't mind if people or my partner drinks in moderation, is this wrong mindset ??
People just really dont understand this early in life including me.. That if a person is good towards others (elders , kids , animals ) doesnt necessarily means that he would be good to himself and if he is not good to himself . He will be good to others.. If a person does not understand your insecurities and fear . that is in a way correct... How will you live life with a person where u have to constantly be with them for like 50-60 years? Nowadays its better if a relation gets over.
Your age?
Plus don't spend time thinking about 1 person so much. Just forget everything and move on, the earlier the better. We all have faced similar situations in finding spouses in arranged marriage cases.
I am 28 now. She is gone but somedays back she messaged and sounded like she now doesn't have any wishes and that made me think if I did something that she become like this or if I was asking too much and should have given her time.
Its not big enough deal to be so anxious over. Relax, you will find some one you are comfortable with. There are more people who match your values than you realise, always. So just have patience and stop thinking about what she did or why she did. Because she probably didnt think how any of this would matter or affect you.