I have been the best son a parent could have, valedictorian, no bad habits, kind, helps family financially and helped anyone in need that too extended family, I am not trying to toot my own horn, I did everything right, and they know it and they agree.
But when I wanted something from them, a thought about marrying a girl of a scheduled caste although of a higher social status than us, they have just said no, they just gave up, haven't even met her.
They said, it's either us or her.
I don't know what to do.
Part of me wants to be impurile, part of me wants to solve this, but I am just awestruck by this.
My parents wanted me to go for an arranged marriage with a girl of the same caste, I agreed.
Now, since my wife could not bear the mother's nature/behaviour/expectations, me and my wife are living separately. I am a single child, and could not handle saas-bahu everyday's quarrel and listening to each other's complaints after coming back from the office. I was getting depressed and could not focus on my office work.
Now, my wife and mother's tussle made me think, even parents forcing me to get married to a girl of the same caste did not bring them peace. My mother wants to live with me, but bringing them both together makes me nervous.
Maybe, with a different caste girl scenario would have been a bit different, who knows.
Btw, I love my wife for her nature I am satisfied and very happy living with her. Me and my wife never fought on any other topic unless it was about parents.
Thanks for being vulnerable 🙏. I will not concede to their whims and fancies, and I get issues can erupt anywhere, I just never thought this day would come.
I wanted to be a shravan kumar like child, who wanted to fulfill every wish and command of my parents. But sadly, I could not keep up with the demanding expectations put up by them.
I cried, slowly became an introvert in last few months, and avoid talking to people and have started living with just my thoughts after work, I was once a child 1-2 years back who had friends with work-colleagues and an overboard extrovert who would keep happy/smiling everyone around him. Now I got lonely, nobody knows what I have been through. I am still learning and working to focus on my career now.
Also, I take care of parents medical, travel and other day to day expenses from my income. My wife does the same for her parents from her salary.
I wish somebody would have told me 5 years back that I could never be called a good son, even if I tried.
I never took alcohol, cigarettes, talked to girls(no girlfriend), focused on studies, good habits like gym, always helped everyone around me with knowledge/money/experience.
But even while writing this my eyes are wet, and this "living with the parents" topic makes me sad every time.
Was in same situation, tried to convince them for 6 months. Since it was extending too much, told them that i am going to go to talk to my girlfriends parents alone and proceed with wedding, and they are welcome to join, but if they dont, i am not stopping.
Went alone, told my gf parents the situation and asked them what to do.
After talking to them ( roka happened, we exchanged gifts), went back to my house for a week. nobody talked to me for the week, the day i was leaving, told them that the wedding is going to happen, i have their best interests at heart but they should have mine also. They finally melted, agreed.
Quickly planned and proceeded in next two months with engagement and wedding ( before anybody could revert )
Got married, lot of chaos, been three years, very happy with my wife and my wife and mother are very good friends now and my dad says he would give his property to my wife because she is her daughter.
If you are sure, go ahead and do it absolutely, do it alone if required.
Everybody needs to rebel in once in a while, your chance has come mate
You have to fight for it. Me and my wife are from different caste. I fought with my parents for more than a year and eventually get married, though my parents still weren’t happy.
It’s been almost 9 years of our marriage now, everything is settled and my parents are more than happy with my wife.
It’s better to marry someone you know than to marry someone you don’t.
At the end, you will need to spend the rest of your years with that person and not your parents. You will need to tell this to your parents.
Thanks for this, can you tell me, how were you able to go on with your life when your parents didn't talk to you, if I don't talk to my parents I feel really bad, plus my gf also doesn't stay here (LDR) so it's hard.
Did you have a big wedding? Did your parents come to the wedding?
To anyone that doesn’t understand let me make it clear.
You are an adult, stand up for yourselves. Use that brain and if it says something do it. As an adult the only power others should have over you is to warn you for potential pit falls but that decision? You and only you take it and only you are responsible for it.
If you dont build that boundary at home, people will make decisions for you but the consequences are borne by you and even the ones that dictate your life right now will put these on your shoulders only.
Make it very clear, I make decisions I process the results. You can only warn me.
They don’t have to live with your wife, you have to. They don’t get divorced (if it comes to that, hopefully not) you do.
If at the core of your heart you think this girl is the one fore you, go!
I am headstrong, the way you are suggesting, however, the implication of it may backfire on my partner, as she won't be accepted in the house, and me coming from a close family (they are defecting in this scenario only) , this I don't want, I would love for them to get along
Fight gaslighting with gaslughting. Threaten suicide. Tell them either you with her or you no more.
Understand the approach, but hard for me to execute, as this would give me the output but the outcome won't be favorable holistically.
Ah man, tough situation I totally get the pain, it can't be easy
It takes time, have seen everything get solved if the fundamentals are not fucked up Just be super stoic, patient, get her to meet over a couple of months, they will give up at some point if they think she's a good person
Bro this isn't the 19th century. Try to make your parents understand this. Marry the girl of your dreams and if they still would not accept, move out to the town areas.
I understand, but my parents raised me good with ample with tons of hardships and they are genuinely good people, it would be asshole of me to go via this way. Plus I love them, can't hurt them like that, that would be selfish, there needs to be a way, that is optimal, and tbh if it's meant to be it will happen.
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