One Truth That Shattered My World

I am a woman, and I am attracted to women. Around two and a half years ago, I went through a breakup with my long-term girlfriend. We had known each other for nearly 20 years, since our school days. Our relationship ended after a disagreement during a trip, and neither of us reached out afterward due to ego. Eventually, we both moved on with our lives.

I am an introvert and tend to keep my feelings to myself. I am also closeted—no one in my life knows about my sexual orientation. Professionally, I am a software developer, and most of my previous jobs have been in Bangalore.

At the time of my breakup, I was unemployed and emotionally overwhelmed. We argued, and she left. It took me about six months to recover from that pain. Finally, in April 2024, I received a job offer and moved back to Bangalore. However, the day I arrived, I felt extremely lonely and started looking for apps or platforms where I could connect with someone just to talk.

I didn’t find any suitable apps, but I did come across a page for lesbians. I reached out, and the admin introduced herself as Sristhi, a 23-year-old engineering graduate. She asked me to verify that I was a woman by sending a voice note, which I did. She then connected me with someone in Bangalore. We chatted for about a week, but it didn’t work out, and I got busy with work.

Later, the admin contacted me again to ask how things were going. When I told her it didn’t work out, she said I should have informed her earlier so she could connect me with someone else. I told her I wasn’t actively looking for anyone, as I was focused on my life.

Over time, Srishti and I started talking more. She was much younger than me and was pursuing a data science course, with aspirations to work in Bangalore. I saw my younger self in her, and she saw her aspirations in me. Gradually, we grew close and organically fell in love.

For the next two years:

We were deeply connected and would text each other for 7–10 hours a day. We shared every small detail of our lives. During this time, I lost my job again due to layoffs and a toxic work environment, which left me mentally shaken and lacking confidence. She supported me through that phase, encouraged me to improve my skills, and stood by me emotionally.

Her love felt pure and selfless—something I had never experienced before.

Even while working in small startups with strict environments (where phones were often not allowed), she made time for me. During lunch breaks, she would check if I had eaten properly, even noticing details like whether my salad portion was sufficient. Despite her hectic schedule, I was always her priority.

However, there was one issue:

We never spoke on calls. We never met in person. We never exchanged photos.

I personally felt it was inappropriate to ask for photos, so I never did, and neither did she. I shared my phone number and email with her and told her she could contact me anytime, especially in case of emergencies.

Still, this absence of real-world connection troubled me. Whenever I asked, she said there was a significant reason and that she would explain when the time was right. She promised to meet me twice—once in December (which didn’t happen due to circumstances on both sides), and again in April.

Meanwhile:

She told me she had suffered from anxiety for 6–7 years and had recovered on her own. She also admitted that she had told me some lies, which caused her constant guilt.

I tried to guess what those lies could be and assured her I would accept the truth, but she said none of my guesses were correct. I could sense her anxiety and internal struggle.

Finally, when she postponed meeting me again on April 30, it led to an argument. I told her that a real relationship cannot exist only through chats. I had been waiting since April 2024 for us to meet.

She then promised to tell me the truth on Sunday, May 3, 2026, as she could realize how much pain I had been going through over the past two years. She was also experiencing similar emotional distress, and it had become unbearable for her to see me in that pain, which ultimately led her to decide to reveal the truth.

On that day, she revealed the truth:

She is not a woman, but a man.

He explained that:

He had originally created an Instagram page for quotes, and later repurposed it to help people in the LGBTQ+ community connect. Due to inappropriate comments, he made it specifically for lesbians. When I first reached out, he gave a fake name, believing no one would trust a man managing such a page. As we continued talking, he developed feelings for me and continued the lie out of fear of losing me.

He said:

His love for me is genuine and has always been 100%. He feels guilty every day for deceiving me. He is straight but wishes he had been a woman so that I could accept him. He has isolated himself socially over these two years, just like I have.

Now I feel completely shattered.

I gave my full emotional investment to this relationship for more than two years without expecting anything in return. I am a lesbian and not attracted to men, but the love and care he gave me felt unmatched—something I have never experienced before.

I am confused:

Is it right to leave him just because he is a man? Or should I value the emotional connection we shared?

At the same time:

The person I believed I loved does not exist. I feel like my world has collapsed.

Despite everything:

He never took advantage of me. He never asked for photos or anything inappropriate. His love felt selfless and genuine.

He also helped me grow as a person:

He taught me to be more positive. He encouraged me to respect others. He even influenced my belief in God, often sharing quotes about Krishna.

Today, I feel lost. I cry throughout the day and only find relief when I sleep. I constantly think about our conversations and the life we built together.

I have never experienced this level of love and respect before, and I don’t know how to move forward.