Not feeling at work since 2023

Hi everyone, I have been in a loop since july 2023 when i lost my interest in doing work i dont know maybe due to some micro management or too much expectations or i just lost I dont know but the major reason now I think is when people keep asking that is it done...is it done i tend to get away more and more from work and i do unrealistic stuff during work hours like watching series and watching reels and then in night am suddenly stressed out that fuck i haven't done anything this complete daya and same shit different day occurs another day and it keep worsening to a point when i take sick leaves or emergency leaves just to relax...and then at that point i feel would not it be nice if I get a 1 year of paid holiday to find myself these small vacations cant do anything to me.

So the loop is i feel de motivated i feel anxious by the daily call updates and i feel super stressed when someone personally dm me in teams about status and thats when i shut off and it goes for a while until they out me in a PIP and then i get releived from.the job then i get stressed about the money and then i do jugaad and crack new company in the 2-3 month period of notice during which your prev org give u money .

And i join this new company feels motivated by the new aura for sometime but when work increases a little bit expectation increases updates from me increases...i collapse again

and i dont know whats happening i have never ever served notice in my 4 year career i am always out on PIP switched 2 times....through 20% study 80% cheating. Just wanted to confess so that u get a real picture.

i dont know should i change career or should i do what because now i am feeling tired of switching again that process is tiresome...i am creative i am good at comedy i am good at jugaad i dont know maybe i should change career or maybe revive my current one...the thing is i can do this pip thing maybe 2-3 years more but not much as am 26...parents thinking of my marriage now very seriously...and also am not able to focus on house chores also like dad give me work for some land issue i told him in stress its your issue u should not trouble us in future i have a lot to think and u know what i am doing i am scrolling reels..a fcking procrastinator...i just now started one positive thing which is gym and taking a 30 minute car or bike ride....sometimes i feel i should just put a knife into my brain and all this chaos will be quieter...why its feeling hard...why cant i work like everybody does...why dont i have that sting to get promotion or a raise...i dont know lots of whys..

what i should do man...should i wait gor my brain to get calmer to think wisely or..i should continue doing same whenever some one ask me for work i just delay it..

#procrastination #lossofinterest