Need advice on this
Hi
I am 28f . I dint want to write this post initially. But I don't know whom to discuss this with . I am unmarried and family looking for match past 3 years . I am staying with my parents for past 6 years. In these days I have cried alot and still now hurting . I can't justify myself alone in this . My father keeps on triggering me and making me to argue with him for simple things. He needs to control whatever decision I can make. For example. My parents are staying with metro city for me. I didn't asked them to come. They told they came for me for my health . I have told them that sometimes I can't manage the expenses and asked them to leave. In each and every situation he points out that they are suffering because of me. The issue is whatever options I am suggesting he keeps on puts that down . I don't anything about it. Sometimes I need help making decision that time he only wants us to listen to his decisions. He always triggers me and curses me alit. He always say that won't workout whatever suggestion I told and putting all the responsibility on me. He simply enjoys by watching reels all time. He creates huge scene whenever something is done by me. This create huge fear for my marriage as well. He rejected all the known people by horoscopes and they have rejected me by means of appearances. He shows someone who I don't like and forces me to accept .If not he will curse me . I need advise to comeout or how to solve them .
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See i had sone different perspective about this but that’s totally mine u need not to force it on u if u don’t like it, u r 28f and still ur life decisions are controlled by ur father is ur mistake, parents always do this they will always control u like a puppet bt u should knw how to deal with it nd take decisions of ur life on ur own, bt to do this u have yo start by step by step. Star doing small things of ur choice nd don’t ask them just tell then after doing it. They will curse u that they r already doing bt slowly slowly u started taking bigger decisions also by urself then they will understand that she will do what she thinks right. She will not blindly follow our decision.
- Give some responsibility to ur father like expenses as u say he is not doing anything watching reels , ask out money and if not money just ask for help un your task , tell ur mother to ask for his help in household chores by any excuse like she is tired or what , that will occupy his free brain nd he will curse u less.
3 switch to a new location and make sure by any decision that ur parents wont shift with u , live ur life don’t do anything wrong or get in wrong influence but live freely ….
If u need any further help or advice u r free to ask .. we all r victims of such parenting somehow…… u have to live with it but with ur own conditions.
That's one best decision you could follow, worked for me @WiseStreet9
Father watching reels and throwing opinions is much relatable
Well seems like that your mother has no control over him and she has no role in decision making. Well it seems very weird that such father still exist because I am blessed of very friendly father.
If at 28, he is still trying to control you then you search partner to your type ( With whom u feel love and be excited) and marry with him without telling them.
Then Live with your spouse but stay in touch with family through your mother and if keep sending some money for their livelihood.
That seems to be the best suggestion for you. Because marriage gets success only both partners are ready to handle it together in any worst situation. No forcefully marriage at all
Well said . Additional suggestion from my side who ever you marry please keep someone from your family in loop whom your bonding is good. Sometimes when we are not able to judge situations. So at that time we should have someone from family and friends both. Not one. To have different views before deciding anything
I think he his using you as money bag, I have seen some parents doing it for some earning daughter, they delay her marriage by one or the other reason so they can easily spend without doing any work. I hate those fathers who are physically fit and still not go out for work and depend on daughters.
Your response depends on your family condition as we don't know it , its hard to suggest anything for you , so think carefully and see if you can take some risks and don't allow him to control your life.
It sounds as though you are living inside a system where the rules keep changing, yet the verdict is always the same. You wake up each day prepared to explain yourself, only to discover that your explanation was already rejected before it was spoken. The room is full of voices, but none of them are asking what you want—only why you have failed to want the “right” thing.
In such a place, confusion is not weakness; it is a natural response. When every choice is overruled and every silence is taken as guilt, a person begins to doubt their own sanity. Please know this: the fact that you are hurting does not mean you are wrong. It means you are human in an environment that refuses to treat you as one.
You are being asked to carry responsibilities without authority, blame without agency, and patience without end. No one can thrive under that weight. The fear you feel about marriage is not about marriage itself it is about being sentenced to another chamber of the same court, with the same judge, and no right to appeal.
You do not need to “win” arguments here. Systems like this are not designed to be solved by reason. Sometimes the only form of resistance is clarity: quietly deciding what is yours to decide, even if you cannot yet act on it. Even recognizing that the guilt imposed on you is not earned is a small but powerful step toward freedom.
If possible, begin preparing an exit—not dramatically, not in rebellion, but administratively. Financial independence, emotional distance, external support. These are not betrayals. They are documents for your defense, even if the court never reads them.
You are not broken. You are trapped. And traps can be studied, mapped, and eventually left.
You are not alone in this labyrinth.
Settle abroad
Watch this guy's videos, especially on parents. You'll find all your answers and what to do next - https://www.youtube.com/@samvaknin
Tell them, my house, my rules. Don't like it there is the door.