Maybe I'm asking things I know answers to... (arranged marriage). Help!
A guy here, not in a hurry to marry immediately (28, 5'7) and raised by quite liberal values. I had simple and low expectations from my partner, one of which is she should be earning and should be financially independent, and ofc, should find me attractive to atleast come close to my energy of intimacy and passion, since I am a bit too sensitive and a 'madly-in-love' kinda guy.
As I broke up with my gf 5 years ago over toxic shit I hated, I have been single. I have mostly aproached commonly considered attractive women (reference in the next para..)
Now, I'm in an arranged marriage scenario with a good prospect I met. We've been luckily spending time with each other. She's a CA (but doesn't want to work in that field for long), is not toxic and is very considerate, has never had a relationship (doesn't matter, I look for overall EQ and choices), is a sweet person but is very calculative about intimacy which makes me cringe with suffocation. I say that's also okay, but...
Three things are holding me back.
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I find her fitness attractive, but her smile doesn't make me feel like wanna get up and kiss her. She has some kind of dental enamle condition which makes them look... not very nice.
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She's 95% sure she doesn't want kids. She kept some room for discussion since after marriage she might change her mind. I'm inclined towards having kids but I can't force it on her. It's her body and life. Can't marry a potential.
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Her parents do not seem healthy and in good financial state. Her elder sister is unmarried. After asking clarification, nothing alarming came out but there are incidents she tells me suggesting it's not going well. The point is her emotional and monetary investment in her home will bring issues in our life together.
I don't trust her with my life yet, or love her to make adjustments like these. I was told by a few that her attitude is rare but these things cannot be adjusted. Don't have time to think due to excess of work! Might find another person too but can't leave a good person like her. Yelp!
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Decision to have children or not is huge. If you want to have kids, but she’s leaning towards not having them, then it should be an immediate deal breaker.
Stop wasting her time and yours, and move on and find a person more compatible and aligned with your life goals, and let her do the same for herself.
That decision to not have kids, can be a dealbreaker (depending upon you), and raises certain other behavioural aspects too. At 28, you still have enough time to search better. I would suggest get moving.
When you are able to list down 3 things that are holding you back then you should probably move on. Try to list down why you should still marry her and then decide after comparison. It usually works. It's more about convincing yourself now.
You don't have to commit to someone just because they're next in the line.
Be frank that you need time to think through, and some time apart may help you clear your mind. Take a week or 2, do what you want. Search for someone else, or prepare a conversational statement with her about your worries.
P.s. converting 95% not sure to sure, is extremely difficult. Even if you hint at it in future, future brickbats will come on you.