Matrimony sites just don't work for men
27M here, earning decent in 20-30LPA range, avg looks, well built (gymming for a while now). So, i spent last few months exploring matrimony sites for any good match. My initial expectation was simple - decent looking and earning girl. Since i believed if both of us work we can build our dream life faster..
Here's my experience so far -
- Most of them are looking for govt wale bande. Especially if girl is also in govt job - inko to sirf IAS level ke bande chahiye - Was expecting the craze but this is just so absurd that you start regretting your life decisions..
- Caste system is very prominent here. Like even if i convince my parents to look beyond this - other side just won't. Had a particularly bad experience where they accepted my request & in profile they mentioned they are open to it and we tried talking to them - they got annoyed ki - uss caste se thodi karenge be.. Like, dude then atleast mention it in your profile then.
- Most of them don't bother putting any info other than a pic - And then they say don't judge by looks but then how else am i supposed to know you?
- Earning girls have their expectations of atleast 2x earning groom. If the girl is good looking it becomes 3-5x.. Like what happened to equality? hello?
- Then you have papa ki pari types.. girl earning peanuts but expects groom to match her father's earning.
- Even meeting that criteria is not enough.. You have to be perfect in everything else as well..
- Even when you do connect with them - they just ghost you after initial call and start expecting ki they will find someone better. This just becomes a game of validation and how high you can get.. And not for finding any meaningful connection..
- And the sad part is - most of these girls will settle for less when they get to that age.. Then they start to question ki ache ladke nahi mil rahe
- Then, there's whole divorce and alimony discussions which just scares to me..
Still hopeful but don't have any expectations. Isse ache to i should marry a housewife.. Atleast she will value what i bring to the table Anyway, Thanks for reading my ramblings.. just wanted to get this off my chest..
Question to - Fellow men - Did these matrimony sites work for you? Or is it just better to look for within internal circle only.. Also, do you plan to marry earning girl? To girls here - What are you really looking for in your future husband (if on matrimony sites)? I am curious..
You should be grateful that you earn 20-30L and hence atleast got some interests who actually spoke once with you
Here, I have been exploring the same over the last month with zero genuine connections even buying a paid plan on shaadi com. I earn 10-15L PA. They ghost even after accepting the request, and the sad part that I have observed is they don't even go through the profile before accepting, literally feels like a dating app swipes rather than some serious matrimony.
I am thinking of just being on dating apps now, with a clear motive of marriage written in Bio. Matrimony apps feel like a place of just filters and money minded people. Better to prioritise form over matter.
Hi there. I am a 27 yr old woman and my parents have started to look for a man on matrimonial sites (which i am not really a fan of).
My experience or I should say women's experience feels just as absurd and weird in these matrimony setups.
-First of all yes the govt job mental craze is real, not for women, but their parents. Indian parents think a low earning govt job is better than private. It annoys me a lot when my own parents also say that (mainly because both my father and brother are themselves in good govt jobs) and I have made it clear to them that I don't want the typical sarkari guy.
-Next, my parents are ok with subcastes and stuff... But they have a problem with SC/ST. Which again to me doesn't matter.
- regarding the earning expectations, personally I would ignore the salary as long as I like the guy. But if the guy is the typical patriarchal man who expects me to live with his parents, wants kids, won't divide house chores, and considers my dreams as something "not important".... Then that's a clear red flag for me. And i have encountered a couple of men like that and had to say no.
I think when we talk about equality it shouldn't be just about equal salaries. You should consider other things in marriage too. It's rare to find matches like that.
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the thing about settling for less because of ae or parents pressure. Well I think that's the worst decision any man or woman can make since marriage is the most important decision and divorce is a taboo.
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it's upto you to marry who you want. With a housewife, you will be the sole earner. You don't know if a housewife will value more or not. It's about character. But then you should look for women who are unemployed. You shouldn't expect a working woman to be a housewife.
Personally I think couples who work together (earn and housechores) are more successful... Well at least that's what I have seen in my family and social circle.
Good luck. May we all find good partners
Hi, thanks for adding your perspective.. but honestly, this just proves my points..
- Girls side expectations are too high (girl + parent).. On boys side expectation is more of traditional girl - yes ,since we are seeing lot cases how these so called independent girls treat men and their family..
- "I would ignore the salary as long as I like the guy" - But your families won't right? And, i totally understand that sentiment since i have a sister too. I was refering to cases, where they just expect 2x-3x salaries? And also expect groom to match father's salary - which took him his own lifetime to get to?
- "who expects me to live with his parents" - I just don't get this sentiment.. This is just straight up red flag in my book.. Like do you have a brother? how would you feel if his wife left your parents to purse "independence"? or your own son does this to you in future? you have to take responsibilities.. you can't run away from this.
- "wants kids" - it's something that can be discussed and delayed for sure.. But not wanting kids altogether is just absurd.. why even marry then? be free - purse dating..
- "equality it shouldn't be just about equal salaries. You should consider other things in marriage too" - oh yeah, Like what?
- "settling for less because of ae or parents pressure" - Yes, nobody wants to settle for less. "root cause of all issues in matching" . But more often - men have to settle for less (if married off early) - and most good men do get married off early.. Then, girls are left wondering with less ideal choices..
Anyway, don't want to fight here. I hope everyone finds good partners as well!
Aapka bhai apne mom dad k sath nhi rhte hoge di ?
Within ones own social circle if the marriage doesn't get fixed. Then it's very difficult unless there is an aspirational value . Matrimony sites only make it worse.
When you try shopping on Amazon, how many check after page 2-3, without changing search terms? That's the problem matrimony site, on steroids.
If one doesn't find a match in 3 months. Delete your profile, improve on self - job, finance, looks and come back after 6 months. Longer one stays, difficult it gets.
Iam part of the team that runs a matrimony site in south india. It's absolutely crazy for men. For most it's an unwinnable war.
yeah makes sense.. thanks for the insights!
I liked how you said it.
But it's same for women. Even women aren't getting good matches. On surface level only it appears that women get more matches , but the end result is same. Maybe men and women are expecting different things?? In arranged marriage scenerio where there is no love, Men want traditional Indian cultured idea of marriage, while women don't want it anymore.
Aaj kl ki kudion kaa mind runs on mound everest peak. They & their family want God as their son in law 🤣🤣. They don't care about mind matching and if that doesn't then kalesh starts after sangeet..
how are men and women both having same issues with the matrimony app? i uninstalled aisle thinking it was not my cup of tea coz no good match!
Some deloitte girl told me that only losers are on matrimony sites. That’s the mentality they have bro. What can we do about it
That's rude. But well reality. Most of us should find a partner on our own or not get married at all.
And i am saying this as a woman
Add some more details like own car(brand and on road price), any assets like flat or farm lands, your saving potential, etc etc they will contact you for sure.
Like i am applyin for some loan😅 Not sure if matches found this way have geniune interest..
Hahaha that's the reality! We have to show payslips, property papers etc etc. if you ask any marriage brokers they collect all these
It is very difficult now, and agree on all points
