Married but at what cost
Some pre context - My parents were looking for proposals for me and finally we came across this girl. They are 4 siblings with she being the only girl in their home. Her father is a retired college principal and they do have a good family background.
What went wrong - We were not ready for the marriage so early, but her father excused his health and asked us to prepone the marriage.
Now my parents said to continue with the proposal as nowadays getting good rishta is becoming hectic. So due to the timeline crunch we didn't get any chance to know each other that much well.
We both talked about our career ambition, my expectations and all those things. She seems to be okay with everything.
Later the marriage happened. After marriage I got to know about her mental issues. She gets annoyed very frequently. Her mood swings are so drastic even if she is not in her periods. She clubbed all the minor issues and pointed out to me. Often she spoke in loud voices and talked to me in very bad manners, it's been not even 1 month.
Her father is having heart issues and many other chronic diseases hence I don't wanna have a discussion with him. My brother-in-laws keeps telling me not to take her words by heart.
When things got unbearable and I told my parents about this, she started telling me about divorce and what not. And she doesn't have any past things or relationships, that I confirmed from independent sources.
Whatever I do for her that's always not enough. She always compares her life with somebody or other on social media.
My parents who were my biggest supporters also gave up on this. My relative by whom this marriage was arranged, also not helping.
What to do please suggest..... 😔
That's the problem with India. In 2026 also parents' thought process is like 1976.
Bro try to encourage her to do something she enjoys and is fruitful. Try to fill her time with productive things that she enjoys doing. The more time spent on social media means more unrealistic expectations. Go gradually about it since the directly and drastically trying to change her will fail. Try hanging out with her so she gets more comfortable with you. Also parellely introspect yourself if it's actually something in you that needs a change.
Also in India parents and relatives dance and ultra supportive before wedding but after that even they are clueless. So you have to rely on yourself and probably get some advice from scriptures like Bhagwad Gita or Upanishads.
Its sad that afterall this we have to put effort
I can truly understand your mental situation, suggest you to pls take care of yourself first brother and maintain some distance from her like let her go to her father's house .
Because in such situations how would you be able to focus on your career and mental health.
Let her realise
She is a grown up woman not a kid anymore.
Talk directly with her mother about her nature and everything.
I was a victim of such a man in my life but I escaped the marriage after knowing he's a very insecure indecisive confused mama's boy womanizer character.
Btw god bless you with everything
Take care bro.
Marriage is not fairy tale. Both side adjustment required. Though its is one sided story to suggest but try to talk to her to be logical as well n u too try to understand from her perspective. And last is doesn’t matter who is sick n what..u have to convey to elders so they may pitch in too to let her understand. Why one sides suffer. A healthy person will get sick to save another sick person 😂🤣 which may nt happen too . Bhagwan sab ka bhala kare.
She often compares myself with her brother who earns the 4 times of my current package. Even if I physically satisfy her, she complains my body is fragile and what not. FYI her brother and sister in law also suffers from many types of diseases. At least I was happy before marriage, but right now, everything seems bleak to me.
Oh shoot.. does she earn too? In either case why doesn’t she compare herself with her brother or with her sister in law.. . I dnt understand ppl sometimes.. they compare only specific one and leave rest.. compare each n everything not just based on their wish. Such mentality no one can handle. It is not always my rules my way.. if all ppl on earth started following dis rule then gone case. Why did she marry u as like she dint get to know ur salary before.
If she gets annoyed, don't talk to her for a few minutes till she becomes normal, once she looks fine try to understand her problem, simply listen to her expectations , take alone to some place and show how people struggle in life , show her to value what you have not what social media shows.
If this still doesn't work out, then ignore everything & just go into silent mode, it's like when a child demands something & starts crying either we have to ignore or we need to provide that thing.
She understands the struggles and all those things. She keeps telling me these. So I went silent and things became very much worse.
May be you efforts are not that visible to her. Understand one thing, her demands are not wrong, if you achieve all those things what she wants your family will be in better place than now. So try to understand her point what is she trying to convey. May be you only had to put in efforts to understand her feelings from what she is saying. This is your battle and don’t dare to bring her and ask her to understand your battles.
Send her to her father's house for sometime and don't bring her back, don't call or respond to her calls and see how drastically she changes
Talk nd try to resolve by therapy if not ready divorce nd move on, not 90s whr she's abla, everyone deserves respect if not given distance urself no matter wht
She is having pendulum mood swings. Sometimes she behaves like a perfect wife. Other times she gets annoyed very frequently, even if I did nothing. I am suspecting bipolar disorder, but God knows.
With all above suggestions if things don't work get "Vijay Belt" 😀😀
Timeline crunch really man? This was supposed to be the most important decision of your life (or one of it).
The arranged marriage situation is out of hand in india. Getting a good family is very difficult nowadays. And even if you are earning decently, girls will reject you straight forward.
I was engaged to a girl but later found out that it was suspicious and I am just being trapped. I ran away and did not marry her no matter what pressure was upon me.
btw, my advise to you is talk to a lawyer secretly and prepare your finances. save as much money as you can by redirection and stuff. as I cant imagine myself in a lasting marriage like this. whatever you do I repeat do not let her know youre onto her
