Loving a Lost Person

Hi, I never knew loving someone could cause so much mental and physical pain until she blocked me. In my first year of college, like many others, I was insecure about my future and lacked confidence. That’s when I noticed her. I never expected someone I could connect with so deeply would be in my own class. One of the reasons I loved physics and chemistry labs was that I could talk to her freely after experiments. In fact, it was in the physics lab that she first shook hands with me—on my birthday. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so I stayed her friend and we spoke regularly. But day by day, my feelings grew. Once, I casually asked her thoughts about love. She said she would think about it after college because academics came first. I respected that, especially knowing how important career stability is for someone from a middle-class background. I truly realized I loved her when she once showed me an injury on her forearm—I couldn’t bear seeing her hurt. In our third year, I proposed. She rejected me and asked me not to think about it again, just to remain friends. I thought maybe it was too early and blamed myself, so I hid my feelings. She never knew I still loved her. In the fourth year, when we both got jobs in the same company (different roles), I thought of telling her again. But exams were going on, and later I had family problems that kept me away from college. When I returned, I found out she was in a relationship with her childhood friend from our neighborhood, who was also from our college. I was heartbroken. I had planned to express my feelings after graduation, but in that time, she moved on. I don’t blame her—it’s her life, and I also take responsibility for never letting go of my feelings. It’s been a year since then. After that, I only texted her occasionally on festivals, her birthday, or her first day at work. But suddenly, she blocked me everywhere—WhatsApp, Gmail, even LinkedIn. Since then, I’ve been having nightmares and struggling to sleep. Along with ongoing family issues, this has been overwhelming. I lost the girl I loved and admired the most. I never even felt she was separate from my family. Can someone please help me understand how to cope with this? I don’t want to lose her, but I also don’t want to disturb her.