Life Story - 7 years of Love

Idk why I chose to write it here - completely unrelated platform to share this. But guess when life hits you hard at your face and you feel like falling through a free fall and boom! It feels like I have been sad for years...felt like dying sometimes too. Story begins - Year 1 : I loved a guy when I was in college. He was kind, innocent and full of masti. I was the topper of the class and he was the backbencher who had absolutely no interest in studies. After a year of him confessing , I fell in love and said yes. He was my first in everything. I didn't know what future we would have since he didn't care about studies at all. I used to make him study. I was madly in love with this guy. I didn't care if we made enough money in the future or not...I just wanted a guy like him in my life. I was his girlfriend, wife, mother, bestfriend literally every possible role I could fit in to be with this guy. If he wanted to to go for future studies , I would take him along to different coaching centers and would do enquiry for him. Whatever he wanted, he was all in for his growth. Year 2 :Then lock down happened a year later, he drifted away from me....suddenly he was all into studies and didn't feel like talking to me. I was emotional kind of person and I just couldn't bear him going away for such a long time in lock down as I was used to seeing him daily in college. And suddenly this guy was not interested in talking to me and would only come at night asking for sexting. Would ghost me for days and months on small fights and would start abusing in between. I WAITED thinking he is just in pressure of placements. Year 3 : Somehow that year passed , I got placed with 3.5 lpa and he with 7 lpa. I was way more than happy that my boyfriend actually became what I wanted him to be. Smart , intelligent, good money. My struggles with him actually paid off. I still remember how I had tears in my eyes when he called me telling he cracked 7 lpa. My love! I had still not seen him since a year due to lockdown. We had a lot of fights. I was too emotional to handle his ghosting. I wanted to talk it out but in every fight we would used cussed words and later say ki gusse me bol dia na yaar. I finally met him when he returned from his village to Mumbai. He was not the same anymore. A bit of arrogance was all I could see. All he talked about his package. I was happy for him and I had seen him after 1.5 years. I wanted to touch him...feel him...talk aboit how much I missed him , his voice , his eyes and everything. But no...he was gone. Instead he said I was jealous of his package. Year 4 : Our jobs continued, we used to get less time to meet - only on weekends. He was loaded with responsibilities at a very early age since his father lost the job in lockdown. He had became a hard worker and used to study for the next switch. I was dealing with my hectic job. One day I get a text from him saying he has sexted his friends sister. My world shook. I had seen half of the screenshot where that girl was asking to sleep with him. He said he stopped after that sentence thinking this is wrong. I BELIEVED HIM. Then suddenly he tells he is placed in bangalore. I never knew he was applying there. I never wanted to stop him from going anywhere but I loved this guy and wanted some time to process. But no! He had cracked 10 lpa and suddenly started questioning my aukat because of my salary. I WAITED thinking things will get better. He's just in pressure. To cut down our distances , I planned a trip. He fought with me before the trip..actually before every trip. He liked showing off in front of our friend group of how hard he is with me. But I was in love. Year 5 : A girl in our adjacent seat in train started giving bhaav to him. Holding his hand , hugging him, doing physical fun. He was enjoying everything. He didn't even acknowledge to that girl that I'm with my girlfriend here. Instead he told me "Maa chuda" and went back to that girl to hold her hand as she was apparently unable to walk on snow while his girlfriend was walking alone. Entire trip he was mad at me...would tell that girl ki meri shakal hi aisi hai mera muh bana hua rehta hai. I was done when he shouted at me in front of the whole group. I was fed up and exhausted that when did this guy turn into this devil...looking at his actions I knew he would cheat on me in bangalore but I prayed to God ki meri sochi hui baat kabhi sach na ho. I was made to feel that I'm insecure or being jealous...when I confronted this to him after the trip he said "I didn't nothing wrong" "Aisa kaam karegi toh gaali khaaegi na" and when I asked him about marriage he completely denied to even talk about it saying "I don't know what I want" I broke up with him. Too foolish and blind in love to believe he would come back, he would realise how much we loved each other once upon a time. I WAITED with a hope only to get a call from our mutual friend at 6 am saying "he made out with me twice and tried to have sex with me but I stopped" My world collapsed. Didn' sleep for 6 months. Stopped eating. I called him only to hear from him saying that HE was tired of me. Told me to move on. I had died that day. But here comes the twist, the person that I loved the most said " I was feeling suicidal since days and kept staring at fan" my entire focus drifted from cheating to him feeling suicidal. I would have let him do anything but couldn't handle saying him feeling suicidal. He came back to mumbai the next day. Pleaded with joining his hands but right when I became soft he used to come back to his original avatar. He asked me to move on and went back to bangalore. I don't remember any day that I didn't cry. I was very angry on myself thinking what kind of love is this, why the he'll do I not hate him when he has made me go through hell After 2 months I get a text from him and the next moment we are both crying over the video call. He said "Please Bangalore aaja"