TW: Depression
It is nearing a decade since I fell into clinical depression (I have doctor's diagnosis) and I had to do a lot of work in those years to be able to do even the daily tasks - brushing my teeth, having a bath, eating food, drinking water, having a clean room, etc. Having a career where I am learning and making my mark, living my life, these are far fetched dreams when compared to these small things.
And the truth is, I have come far. I have grown so much. When I look back at my journey, I am proud of myself for not giving up on myself, even when 95% of the time I had to do it all alone.
Over the years so many things have happened, so many things piled on me, adding to the emotional burden, making me hit rock bottom all the time. I am honestly surprised with how much I have seen and went through in such a short lifespan.
I have built myself up enough that I could at least have a normal daily routine even when I was severely struggling emotionally. And never did I think that there would come a day when I would see myself struggle with the daily tasks. I knew that I would struggle, but not with this.
A few days ago, something happened, something that's the root cause of my mental illness. The adult me is already over it, but the child inside me was shook. I didn't realise it until today when I started to take notice of how I was being. I was struggling to even drink water that was not even a foot away from me, I had been eating only once a day, haven't cleaned my room in days, not working on my office tasks, literally doing nothing, not even going out of my room. I never thought my trauma would get triggered like this and I would again be in the same space as I was in the initial days of my depression.
I know I will bring myself out again, I always have, always will. It just made me sad that I somehow don't seem to get a break from negative things happening in my life.
To all people coming forward and telling me that I can talk to them, thank you for showing kindness. But there is much more to depression than just having someone to talk to.
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The truth about depression is that I can talk to people about my struggles only when I am in a place where I can use my words. When someone is struggling with depression, most of the time they won't be able to tell you how they are feeling or what is happening with them. They are already trapped in their head.
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Talking with someone once isn't going to help either. When someone is depressed, they won't be able to reach out. Their friends have to check in on them by themselves. These friends have to ask the questions for their well-being.
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When I say that I had to do it all alone, it means that I had to break the cage by myself. I had to do the mental talk every minute of the day, everyday, to get myself to where I am now. This would be difficult for a friend to do as everyone has their own lives to live. Yes, it is doable, I have had people take care of me, but it's not for everyone. You have to really care for the person to do all this for them. And you will have to be with them a lot of the time. It's not a one time/day thing.
Agreed, a lot of people don’t know this. Only someone who’s gone through mental health issue can understand it properly (was anxiety for me). All I can say is, don’t underestimate what a brilliant job you’ve done so far to come out of it. And stay strong 💪- you got this 😎😎
Thank you
Stay strong. You have been strong so long, so you can surly try that again.
I feel you buddy. Stay strong 💪 Endure and you’ll come out of this stronger
I think my nerves will burst if I become any more strong 💪🏻
Thanks for your words, man. I have the tendency of making light of my situation as I am naturally a bubbly person, hence the joke :)
Tum Itna Jo Muskura Rahe Ho
Kya Gham Hai Jisko Chhupa Rahe Ho
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As a millenial who was diagnosed with clinical depression and on medication and treatment for 3+ years - it'll be okay. You'll be okay.
But you'll have to stop externalising all the factors. At the core of it -
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