Life, Death & Unspoken Fears
Hi, need some heartfelt advice on a sensitive matter. What should a 31-year-old woman do in a helpless situation like this
Since childhood, life has been full of challenges. After enduring many struggles, it's now just the mother and daughter supporting each other. However, the daughter is facing a serious health condition—one that could potentially shorten her life, depending on how the illness progresses.
This health issue is not known to her mother. The daughter has kept it hidden out of concern: if her mother finds out, it could overwhelm her emotionally, and the daughter would be burdened not only with managing her own health but also with caring for her mother’s emotional well-being. Meanwhile, the mother is encouraging her daughter to get married and start a family, driven by the fear of being left alone in the future. Ironically, the daughter is having the same fear—she worries about what will happen to her mother if something happens to her due to her illness.
So the question is: How should the daughter handle this delicate situation, where both want to protect each other, but the truth might hurt more than help? expecting valuable thoughts on it....
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Your strength in protecting your mother is truly remarkable. While your intentions are loving, remember that genuine protection also involves allowing her to be strong alongside you. You're not alone in this, even if it feels that way. Carrying a significant secret can be an immense burden, and it might not be the best long-term path for either of you. Consider seeking support to navigate this together. Palliative care specialists, for instance, are skilled in helping families cope with serious illness, providing guidance and comfort. If you're sharing the news yourself, a gradual, step-by-step approach is often best. Mothers possess immense resilience; she will adapt, given time. Unexpected revelations can be deeply distressing. Prioritizing open communication about your health will naturally provide clarity for other life discussions, including marriage, aligning both your perspectives on current priorities.
Please have faith and don't lose hope. Ever.
Testing time. This too shall pass
Sending you strength and power🫂
Thank you very much for your time, your attention, and your thoughtful suggestions.
About three months ago, I started having some health issues, but she thinks it’s just normal pain. I’ve been managing it by saying that something might have accidentally hit that area in the past, which could be causing the discomfort. I’m just taking some medicine for it, but even then, she worries a lot—despite believing it’s something minor that can happen to anyone. So I can only imagine how she would react if she ever found out about my actual health issues. and it will be again another burden on me to handle her as she is so sensitive she already losts 3kids.
If your mother has already experienced the loss of her children, she’s likely living in a constant state of apprehension. In such a case, keeping secrets can do more harm than good. Being honest is crucial—because knowing the truth, even if it's difficult, is often less painful than imagining the worst.
And if the situation truly is that dire, then involving trusted extended family, friends, or neighbours—those you're most comfortable with—might be a better step than considering adoption as a first solution. As HeftyScaffold rightly said: we just have to keep going. There’s no other option.
About four years ago, she lost her mother, and then, just a year later, she experienced the heartbreaking loss of a child. Recently, she also lost her father, who had been living with her. This last loss has deeply affected her — she's been in a state of depression, often expressing feelings like, "Why did he leave me all alone like this?" This is why I’ve been hesitant to bring certain things up. There’s no trusted extended family we can rely on In fact, if they were to find out about my situation, there’s a genuine risk they might exploit it — whether by mocking her, manipulating her vulnerable state for financial gain, or even secretly wishing for my early demise just to take control of the small amount of property or gold she has, taking advantage of her fragile mental condition. There are so many layers to this situation that are difficult to explain in words. It’s incredibly complicated, and that’s why I find myself at such a critical crossroads right now.
What kind of illness is the daughter facing... ?
PAN
About four years ago, she lost her mother, and then, just a year later, she experienced the heartbreaking loss of a child. Recently, she also lost her father, who had been living with her. This last loss has deeply affected her — she's been in a state of depression, often expressing feelings like, "Why did he leave me all alone like this?" This is why I’ve been hesitant to bring certain things up. There’s no trusted extended family we can rely on. In fact, if they were to find out about my situation, there’s a genuine risk they might exploit it — whether by mocking her, manipulating her vulnerable state for financial gain, or even secretly wishing for my early demise just to take control of the small amount of property or gold she has, taking advantage of her fragile mental condition. There are so many layers to this situation that are difficult to explain in words. It’s incredibly complicated, and that’s why I find myself at such a critical crossroads right now.
I've been thinking about adopting a girl—not just to give her a home, but to help create a genuine bond between her and my mother. My hope is that, over time, they can build a loving relationship. That way, if anything ever happens to me, my mother won’t be alone—she’ll have someone who truly cares for her. And at the same time, the girl will gain not only a safe and loving home, but also the warmth of a mother figure in my mom. I also feel that this decision could give me a sense of peace, knowing that both of them would have each other. It would make my heart feel lighter and my mind more at ease." please suggest on this as well