Issues at work and life
33F facing issues both at work and life … feel all things have been stuck in my life for way so long. Met a guy at work 1.5-2 years back only once though still liked him a lot and then issues persisted and he and fought on not meeting. He had his peak season at work and he did not meet me even after months and we ended things… also because we wanted different things. Also we were not really dated but I was not speaking to anyone else and I think he was not even talking to anyone else
I have been trying to find a potential match for myself and not getting someone I feel is worth it. It feels to get married you have to lower your standards on all front … looks and overall type of guys that you like. I have never dated someone … just been on so many dates I can’t even count on my hands … and whenever something was mutual it still didn’t work due to multiple things
I have never had sex in my life and I am unable to move into anything casual but I think I should since I am not even aware if I will be ever loved the way I wanted and imagined myself to be loved by my partner . I am sensitive as a person that’s why never moved to casual things or hookups… but I feel I can’t feel happy in both my personal and professional life . Also have the worst habit to go back and message the one person I liked from work .. I just wanted. To meet him once but since I asked him let go when he was not able to meet me repeatedly and I was getting tired . Still I was going through a lot and still he didn’t even meet or talk to me completely… my anxiety day by day is hitting peaks and I wanted that person to calm me by just listening to me but he doesn’t revert back to me. I want to progress in life but feels stuck and don’t have anyone to even be this vulnerable to.
Also I might be okay with casual but even for that I have a bit higher standards… these days bare minimum is not even what you get. Normal mutual respect … and don’t want to be treated badly . Don’t know what I even want someone reading this to say but here we are .
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If u could change the past, then put ur maximum energy on it. But u cant change the past, so don’t waste ur energy on thinking past/alternate past with possibilities. Be present and enjoy the moment, face the moment and remember nothing is permanent except CHANGE. and that change could be good or even better. Goodluck!!
True thanks . Had already tried to change it and sa sorry multiple times to someone who I don’t even should be apologising at the first place
This felt very relatable to read.
In many ways it’s like a mirror image of what I’ve experienced, just from the other side. (M here)
So first of all, you’re not alone in feeling this way.
I would gently suggest taking things one step at a time instead of trying to solve everything at once. When both personal and professional life feel stuck, it can get overwhelming quickly.
If your old friends are busy with their own lives, maybe this is a good time to slowly build new connections; through work, hobbies, classes, or communities that interest you. Even one or two new people you can talk to can make a big difference.
It might also help to invest time in something just for yourself like a hobby you have always wanted to try, or something you already enjoy but haven’t been able to give enough time to. Having parts of life that are not tied to relationships or work can really ground you.
On a practical note, don’t underestimate the basics; proper sleep, movement, hydration, and even checking for nutrient deficiencies if you’ve been feeling low or anxious. Sometimes our mental state is amplified by physical imbalances.
And about relationships; you don’t have to lower your standards or force yourself into casual situations if that’s not who you are. Wanting mutual respect and emotional safety is not "high standards", it’s the bare minimum.
At the same time, it’s okay if things don’t progress on the timeline you imagined. Life rarely moves at the pace we plan.
Try to make peace with the fact that not everything has to be figured out right now.
Focus on building stability within yourself first, the rest tends to align better from there.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
You deserve to feel loved and settled, both personally and professionally.
Yeah thanks for your message. Yes trying to work on my physical health a lot .. time to may be work more on mental health too it seems :P
I had handled myself without anyone literally most part of my life just wanted to feel loved and cared in a relationship too after going through so much. Nevertheless hoping someday i would get that love too,
Same situation, 34M. I think I have/going to hit rock bottom on this relationship front. It's very hard to lower the expectations also, but that's the only way out of this apparently. Casual feels even more difficult to me, LoL.
Ohh yeah since you are in the same boat. You can relate fairly to what I feel. Yeah it seems lowering expectations is the only way out .. but feels wrong . We do deserve the best for us .. someone we ca truly feel happy and proud to show the world that this is my partner
Myself 33M. I want to let out all my feelings. I put my entire personal life in line and put forward professional life, as priority. After grinding all those years for this ungrateful team and boss, no good growth, neither appreciation. Life feels very hard and steep very low. I pretty much live alone and single. Not married. At this point in life I'm not interested in marrying as well. Life feels completely fucked. I gave my entire life to my profession, but no result.
I am sorry to hear that. Yeah same I worked hard so much .. I saved all the money for marriage for myself I had hit the target of what I wanted to save but don’t even feel that happy for that. Since I don’t have anyone in my life that could share my life with as a partner. Also I have also been somebody who gets things way way slow in life than my counterparts be it personally or professionally
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Can you add a little more on "I have a bit higher standards", what do you expect from the other person which you think is "higher standards"?
Even when you want to try out casual with someone .. given as a women you have not. You want to feel safe as an individual and for that someone needs to tell you basic things about their life .. and should be okay with starting things from smaller thing say chilling and just kissing and not just move to sex. Also mutual respect for someone’s boundaries .. since they have not done things you can’t treat them like others.
Your entire post reeks of a woman who during his entire 20s never had to fave the consequences of any of her own action and just went with the flow by mass approval of all the guys around you and now in 30s not getting some subtle collective approval.. Your 1 and 2 and 3 para itself is so full of contradiction, can't do casual coz i am sensitive and then you are ready for casual but your standard is not met... 🤔
I was the biggest introvert for most part of my life. I was too focused on work and studies and gave lower importance to been with someone at that time. I was not able to luckily get any guy through life that I connected deeply with .. for context I was in coed school but girls colleges for both bachelors and masters. And I have extremely small circle of people I know.. I might be bad at building relationships and friendships.. but have the courage to correct myself if I am wrong.
Also on the casual part, this is not my first choice for sure. But lately since I have been facing so many issue and not able to find someone I connect with .., I want to still enjoy and not miss on life and pleasure .. which currently I am. Also o feel this since I am not sure of what I will even get in life
This too shall pass @Poly
Hi @Poly are you in blr, i have a friend who wants a nice partner, i think you guys will be a great fit, lmk 😇