Idk what to do !!!
27 f ,i am in a relationship since last 2 years and currently we are living together and our parents also met ..at first when we met we had very good bond .we understood eachother very well and i thought we can have a life together it will be manageable..after living with him I feel like most of the responsibilities I m only taking ..it's not like if I ask him to do that he will say no but he doesn't do it beforehand ..most of the weekend he spent watching series and for me I want to do some physical activity like playing badminton or swimming..but he doesn't like doing all these activities..and i didn't know that he is a smoker .he told me that he already left smoking and have occasional drinks ..but it's more than just occasion drinks ..he came from a small town so if I look at future i know mostly I have to do adjustments there whenever i visit..all these things make me feel like in future we might fall out of love because of our differences and he is 4 years older than me ..i don't want to test my adjustment patience after mrg then take action. I tried telling him all this but he doesn't understand the pov ..
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From a loving husband, not being attentive or just wanting to watch a series and not being proactive is a common thing. These things are very hard to understand and will lead to a lot of fight but that is true for any partnership. Everyone has one or the other downside, he would also be thinking a few things about you. And these small things pester you more once you live long enough together. We have told each other very harsh things (sometimes truth sometimes just pure anger) to each other (even about the family of the opposite partner). Initially, smaller things would irritate us and result in a lot of fight but then it's like we levelled up. Every fight leads to some adjustments from both side and we understand each other better and then fight is on something bigger. But you see, this cycle only sustains if you know that no matter what the other one is there. And this trust keeps on increasing. The key is to keep on listening to what the other is saying and having a commitment to keep improving yourselves based on that will make the relationship better and sustainable. And keep showing / mentioning that you are changing based on his requirements and he needs to do the same.
Call it off..you will be overburdened in future.. considering if any kid is going to be there as well...
wow how easy to say
- Give honest feedback and see if he changes.
- No need to depend on him for having company in hobbies. Do them alone or with your friends. That means you should know how to enjoy by yourself and have a good set of friends too.
- If point 1 still doesn't work, give a warning and then think of calling things off. If someone is free riding, it is not worth it.
I was staying in blr and I got flexibility of having wfh so I moved to noida as he is staying here bcz of that here I don't know anyone except him
Leave. He's not meeting your expectations (which are valid expectations). He will not change for you because you're both already together. Leave. Forget what parents think.
Instead of writing here, I would suggest you to talk to your partner and then tell him everything whatever is bothering you and make him understand that you want to make this relationship work but he also needs to change. Maybe he is taking you for granted
I wouldn't just say - you deserve better... as I have just read your pov.
But let's be practical from description I think this is not going to work, relationship is about making compromises and he isn't ready for it. In the start everything is good and looks perfect but....
Also, the reason why I think this will not work - the day you thought about second person or got these separation thoughts, you got it for a reason. If things were fine you wouldn't have got it.
Yeah it's not like i didn't tried and talked to him about all this I have told him numerous times that these are kind of requirements for me but it feels like he don't want tht consideration
Even I face the same my wife isn’t interested in fitness as much as I am into. So what I do is I go alone do my thing come back home.
It’s ok let him have his time and you also need this time to focus on yourself l.
It’s ok if he is not part of everything you want him to do. Find some common things with you both love to go and do outdoors.
Let a man live his life peacefully sis.. You yourself mentioned its not like he doesn't work when you say something to him.. Its just that he doesn't care about household things like you do and that's natural.. Women's have more motherly and caring instincts than man. He is having things in his life that he cares about.. He would be having a bike or a car he cares about it.. Does he complains that you don't care about it like he does and you should also clean the bike when you both come from a ride..?? 😂😂😅 . It's natural for a person to think he does more work than his partner.. But Marriage is not about comparison its about making eachother better.. You can always ask him to do the things you want him to do, indulge with him, in his activities as well.. May be his main concern is making money and yours is to manage the life with the money you both earn..Both things are important.. Communicate and understand each other.. Coz in the end.. you both have only you guys to care for each other and thats it.❤️
Most of male will be similar in household work, we don't have brain what to do. But weekend watching series needs to or can be fixed. men are not trained for that for household things. So good luck for future you mostly find similar habits in other guys too so in case you have brother then see how he behaves same behaviour you will see in your husband after 2-3 years of marriage after marriage honeymoon period is over