I feel like dying
I never felt so shitty, so powerless in my entire life. I'm 23 Y/O, just finished my MBA. This Sunday is my convocation. My parents will be coming to bangalore and I'm so happy to take them around spending my internship stipend proudly.
Well I got converted this week so yeah that's another thing to be happy right? But the only catch is my office is shitty, my team is shitty, my life is shitty, I'm shitty!!!!
I say I feel like dying, I say that put loud but I know that I won't be dying. But that makes it all even more difficult you know. You can’t even fucking end yourself here because I was always meant to be this overachiever, successful stud and at this point I dont even know who I am, what I am?
I wish I had these stupid boyfriend girlfriend problems to vent over.... at this age but all I do get are some stalkers some blackmailer some this some that idk.. like wtf is wrong with my life. My TL!!! Omg I always wanted to be that strong independent women who takes charge. Got but this TL.. damn she makes me hate women in lead. I love my manager, she is a sweetheart. She is very authoritative and doesn't entertain any BS. But she is good unlike my TL. Few hours ago I told her I am late due to traffic and also faced a random stranger while coming to office and she just slammed saying this that come to work, this isn't your college, getting converted doesn't mean you're off the leash. So stupidddddddddd!!!!!!!!!
I had to file complaint, report and shit and anyway I don't even care of that. I'm fine, tbh its not even this stalker incident I'm concerned off. I just hate my job, it's mediocre, I dont like being mediocre. My college used to call in this CXOs and let me tell you every other CXO had one thing to say when asked about their success "I like waking up everyday so that I can come to office and make some difference" Now this might be exaggerating for some but atleast they like to wake up everyday for office. I feel dying then and there!!!!!
I don't want to wake up to this shitty job. Shitty people. It’s not even my passion, I didn’t even work hard to crack this job, I just got selected and I know people work so hard to get here and I respect that. I'm fully self aware but damn I hate it. I hate myself.
I can't even cry, can't even talk to my parents. I can't. I'm this super extrovert person and people never think or even assume that I'll be having something to stress on because "I'm just always happy and will make others happy right?" Damn I hate it, I'm no longer that person, I want to be alone, eat alone, stay alone, god damn it!!
I'll regret writing so much but anyway this will help me feel relaxed for few minutes.
Thanks for reading if you're still reading. Lots of love and strength to you guys!!
If you don't like your job, write down a target designation and domain. Research for good companies that offer work in that area, make connections on LinkedIn and outside with people in these companies and start applying for roles in these companies through referrals. This is the way to solve your work problem.
Now apart from work problem, it's fine if you are a 23 yo girl and don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend. There are many here who are 30+ and have had their heart broken/single or even divorced. You are relatively young and have a lot of time to find a partner. Regarding stalking & blackmailing, take support of a trusted friend or family member & if needed approach the police.
Regarding being a strong independent woman in corporate, there are many such women we all work with who are role models. They are polite, nice, extremely talented, easy to work with & inspiring. What makes them inspiring is their attitude, approachability & problem solving ability. Cultivate these traits and don't focus on the women who are toxic. Good luck and stay strong!
Yeah, I had a good LinkedIn profile but these days I'm just slacking off, I know that I've to be consistent. And I'll be one, starting now.
Regarding bf/gf.. no I don't want any, I mean I wish I had but I've no energy for that. It just came out while venting off.
And yeah I reached out to police and I hope things are under control.
And definitely I'll be the strong independent women, I've always looked up to.
Thank you for your kind words and time.
That was much needed!
Every time you feel like shit… think about all the success you had, All the hopes your parents have, talk to your mom (if you are a boy) or dad (if you are a girl) you will find the best soothing advise… Would you stop your growth just because of some shitty people at work… Are you sure life will not throw other shitty people at you down the line ? Life is worth living for your parents and there are tons of other beautiful things that you can fill your life with…We are all fighting along with you… Cheer up fighter 🤗
God!! This made me cry sitting in the pantry, thanks anyway. Yeah I needed this. And definitely I'll come back stronger!!!
..and miles to go before I sleep.. Hey, you are still young but feeling this way because you are thinking ahead of yourself. There are shitty situations/folks and politics in every walk of life - take it as a learning experience. I am sure you are beautiful both inside and out, so please love yourself a little bit more and spend some time meditating if you wanna try something new.
Will definitely do this, thanks❤️
Wtf I just read.
Rant🫠
so what do you want to do then? if you don't like this job in the sense, you don't like this domain at all or just this company or designation?
My team and the designation.
And yeah I know I'll have to join elsewhere soon.
I just wanted to let it go from my mind
This too shall pass
To be honest... is good that you're venting the pressure out..you'll be fine. Corporate life has these shit ups and downs. It's okay. You'll be fine. I read it and felt like...damn sometimes it's me too. Things will go smooth if you keep yourself relax whkle doing the same daily shit. Four years before work was there, four years laters it'll be there. Only thing matters is you. Take care of your mental health. Want a break? Take one. Need fresh air? Just wake up 5am and walm outside or go to a grassy place and peace will be found. I recently woke up early and went out to a neaby mountain for an hour, I was back and slept another hour by the time I wake up daily. Damn it was so good...I felt refreshed.
Find peace in what you do. Find what you like and like what you've got. You'll be okay.
Thanks, needed this. Will go to dance class tomorrow.
