I don’t know who I am, I feel like I don’t need to exist

Last few months has been painful but I’ve felt a greater connection with god. I prefer being silent, I don’t like doing even the most normal tasks of the day. I just want to travel to work, come back and sleep.

Today I lost it and I had a very hard conversation with my parents and I hurt my father with bitter words. It was about life and future in general since we went bankrupt few months ago and had to sell our house.

Now I feel guilty, and I feel I should just kill myself. I feel like a loser to not keep my feelings inside or at-least divert it in a direction where it isn’t hurting anyone. Not reaching out for help but just wanted to confess it all out here.

Treat your parents right. that’s all