I can’t believe I’m writing this. I never thought I’d be the one pouring my heart out on Grapevine, but here I am. Alone in my apartment, surrounded by empty Starbucks cups, stacks of work folders, and the feeling that I’ve made a massive mistake.
I guess it started with ambition. I wanted to build a great career, to make it in the Big4. I climbed the ladder, put in the hours, made myself irreplaceable from meetings.Promotions, bonuses, the appreciation awards I got it all. But with each step I climbed, I lost a little more of myself.
The first things to go were my friendships. Back in college, I had a close group of friends, the kind of people you think will be in your life forever. We’d spend all night studying for exams and get tons of redbulls and notes from maggus. We dreamed about the future together, making all these grand plans about how we’d stay connected no matter where life took us.
But once I started in the Big4, things changed. I’d get texts about weekend plans or random late-night hangouts, but I was always too busy. I did go for a few times in the beginning though. Me looking at the gallery reminded me of our scenes and it got me very senti. Sharing a picture from one of our scenes. 🥹
I would always say next weekend but by then I’d be busy in another project or prepping for a presentation. They stopped reaching out after a while, and I can’t blame them. I’d become the friend who always had to cancel, always had another “urgent deliverable” that couldn’t wait.
At first, I didn’t even notice they were slipping away. I’d tell myself I was working and that they’d understand once they saw what I was working toward. But as time went on, it hit me that they weren’t there anymore. All the inside jokes, the stupid traditions we had… they’d moved on, while I was still glued to my fucking laptop, clocking in hours with people who wouldn’t remember my name if I left tomorrow.
I tried reaching out a few times, but things weren’t the same. My stories were all about work – the projects, the clients, the endless grind – and they couldn’t relate. Their lives had taken different turns, and I’d missed all of it.
Is it normal?
Its not normal. You took the decision and now bearing the . Such sacrifices take a heavy toll on the mind. Because at the end of the time, only those memories with our people will flash rather than those projects
@ClutteredReporting You're absolutely right. It’s easy to overlook the impact of these choices until they start affecting our mental well-being. Sacrificing meaningful connections for work does take a serious toll, and no project or achievement can truly replace those memories we create with people who matter to us.
In the end, it’s often the relationships and shared experiences that stay with us, not the deadlines we met or the work we did.
You can start going even if they are not calling .. Then slowly they will call u for parties n etc..
This is usual and happens with majority of people out there. There are a very few people who still have good friends even with their work.
I hope and wish you find a good set of friends whom you feel will be the friends forever.
I am also on th same path of finding atleast one. Mine with many of people I k ow have a similar story as yours but I am not a big4 aimer. Just a normal Individual contributor in a team and just go with the flow kind of life and still lost all my friends and lost myself in this bloody work.
@FlowerHead Your words really resonate. It’s tough to stay connected with friends as life gets busier, and work can sometimes pull us further away from the friendships and passions that ground us. It sounds like you're in the same boat, just trying to keep things steady and figure it all out. I hope both of us find those meaningful connections we’re searching for, people who can be there in both good and challenging times.
Hang in there, and remember you're not alone in feeling this way. There’s value in the journey, even if it feels a bit lost right now.
Never ever feel bad about this situation and your decisions and priorities are correct. I wish I could be like you back in my initial days as same situation came in, so left to small mnc for work life balance to achieve all these friendships but things got different and I currently lost their friendship as inside their heart I have no place from the start (can’t share full details) but they're jealous bcoz of my position from the start. Now I am staying out of these fake friendships and relationships after losing highest paying job with good position which is difficult to go back to that stage seeing current industry situation. Right now there are no true friendships existing everyone are materialistic.
Truly happy that you didn’t fall in this trap buddy. Go ahead as you are and be strong.
Hey, the problem is not that you have chosen career over friends. The problem is you have not learnt to establish an equilibrium between your personal or professional life. Just start doing that and you will be fine. It won't be easy but are good things ever easy?
Your org, professional achievements will never completely fulfill you. Your experiences, relationships, hobbies, curiosity, to name a few will help with a large part. You may not feel it now, but you will feel it in sometime. The one lesson I would walk away with from high intensity roles is to never deal in extremities, it has not worked in any example of scenario. You recognising this, is a good start, and now you have to start over. Not gonna be easy, but will be worth it in sometime. I wish you all the best, hope things get better for you!
Normal for ambitious people. @DigitalArray
From someone who’s been through this phase -
You made a choice to prioritise your career - that’s just a choice - not a right or a wrong one. It’s not the end of the world.
My best friends from college / early life are not in my life in a big way. I have made friends who are like family now. Not easy but not impossible either. As with all good things, this is also hard earned.
And guess what many of these friends are friends made from my workplace. When it comes to friends, quality over quantity is more valuable. :) be kind to everyone and invest in a few relationships. Not all of them will work out but some of them will surprise you. Good luck!
This is in fact very normal. As you progress, friends do fall by the wayside. But believe me, at one point you will find peace with yourself, your situation, your career, and at that point, if you try to go back to your old friends, you’ll realise they were always there for you.
You are allowed to make small sacrifices to get the life you want.
This is my story as well. Founded a startup and then followed it with a big4 and then when I thought i finally had time, relationship took whatever time i had managed to create after some career success. Now it is too late to try to bring the old friends back and there is no point regretting it as well. Try and create these spaces and friendships again. It can be done. Life is long and every day will give you such an opportunity. And you will find the people that you need. The universe will provide.
Let’s just get straight to it, I wanted to be a founder. Turns out, I just wanted the idea of being a founder. And it’s taken me two years, a lot of sleepless nights, and more stress than I knew was possible to admit this.
2021: When ...
Relevant and very honest. By the way if you are comfortable to answer. Which startup you built or in which domain did...
Hi Grapeviners, So here's my story. I'm 27 years old. I've accumulated many regrets till now and it is piercing through my chest. My thoughts would be like spaghetti so bear with me. Never tried to be social. Made probably 3-4 friends i...
It happens to everyone, just go to gym , pick a passion
I graduated from tier 3 engineering college in 2011 after too much struggle I am working for an MNC.
Since childhood I had no friends I am a loner I had no friends as I always focused on my work and studies but in graduation I made some...
