I am M30, and I personally don't feel that my parents are are happy with each other. On the surface to the society they look fine, they are a normal old couple. They both have lived like a normal couple if you ask anyone. But at home, 50% of the time they keep loudly bickering with each other for the last 30 years. Mom expresses her dissatisfaction in life and makes us feel as if we failed her. Dad doesn't even know how to talk to me, maybe I am the awkward one. It always felt like they have lived their life due to the obligation of marriage and kids. they have made sure to get us educated and we never missed a meal in our lives. Mom purposely does shit to annoy my father and he starts shouting and my stress level goes through the roof. I still live with them because I feel all hell will break loose if their children(me and my sibling) are not at home.
I always had anxiety and hyperhidrosis and my father played a big role in my childhood to get my anxiety up and running. I don't have much friends, zero relationships and whatever friends I have go back to being acquaintances after a while. Everyone knows me as that lonely and awkward guy in college and in workplace.
Now my parents and everyone they know have been pressuring me to get married but honestly I am not too keen to do it. I feel that a marriage of convenience would be a bad thing and unfair to the girl to be married to a sad man like me. Even if I get married and have kids(which I don't want) then the cycle will repeat it self and it will result in a divorce and me being broke as I too have taken on some characteristics of my parents. The biggest example of marriage at home doesn't make want to look forward to it.. I don't know what to do...
my parents are insanely committed and both were each other’s first, thought that would be a reality in my case too
been alone worked like crazy got into iit then into an iim, worked everyday built a few startup’s , products more or less, sold them to others made a bank, got good at quant trading making super great returns
but now coming to marriage women are run through they’ll cheat, hurt you and make you feel bad! most women are just abominations, saw my close friends divorcing wives learning about their pasts, which they lied about, then t wives opening up marriages
it’s all shit today
world’s fucked and it made me a super fucked up rich, tall , jacked dude
i hate the current world more or less, and will not ever respect women in general
want to change my views but it’s saddening that some women actually cheat on great men for gym trainers, even shitty men who blackmail
it’s sad af
Move away from home. I find it stupid that people are not able to break the cycle. So many people face the wrong, but when you face the wrong and when you realize that it is wrong, you need to make yourself a promise that you will not do the same wrong and will turn out to be a better person.
Parents and friends always have wrongs, but we should try to ignore them and take in only the positives. A children should always try to turn into a far better version than their parents. And if staying at home is creating a problem in doing that, move out.
First fix yourself through physical pursuits like body weight exercise, walk or jog or running or swimming. Do Meditation, yoga nidra and yoga. Listen about the child's relationship with parents by Osho. Or other discourses of trauma n other stuff as per your interest. Listen about the healing trauma by Andrew huberman. Listen to David goggins Joe Rogan podcast. You can somewhat relate to him. All these are free tools just use them to better yourself and to start your own family and break this vicious cycle.
You cannot affect your future because of your past and present circumstances. One day you are going to realise that you should have gotten married earlier. Take a lesson through your parents about how you should not be when you get married. At this stage you cannot completely fix them, you can just provide some reason to them to be happy. Just remember, you could not move forward in life if you are not at peace with your parents, no matter how they are.
Negatively
Any solution for the anxiety and hyperhidrosis? 😅 I’ve thinking about smoking and nicotine consumption but not sure that would help.
Comparison is theft of joy - I think it is in every family and people are never satisfied with their life many people express themselves many not. The real problem is now people are willing to accept the reality and changes. I think as a children we have to accept our family condition and take decision accordingly
Yes it does affect. But it is also a point to note that during our parents time there were lot of issues - dependency on 1 person to earn, mom looking after so many children alone without any maid or help.
Now they might have but they didn't have when they actually needed it.
Then keep all family members happy. They never lived for themselves, they had no hobbies ,no travel aspirations. It was quite a different time. It was always family, children.
These things obviously makes a person serious and feeling unloved.
Now everything is better. We have hobbies, goals , aspirations for ourselves so our lives are much better. So u can ignore those things.
You are not your parents! Go see a therapist and get yourself sorted.
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