How do you deal with impulsive behaviour?
Note: If you are a girl reading this post. Please please please don't read ahead. Its not for you.
It's been 25 years since I came into existence... But I have observed one thing in my behaviour over the past 6-7 years that I endup losing connections sometimes because of aggression or due to attachment.
So, it's like I always endup getting attached with people. I have seen how people talk to many people but they just don't take them to their heart ... they just believe in staying connected nothing more than that and that's how connection-ship sustain.
But in my case... their small small actions begin to affect me like ignoring or not talking enough or saying something bad... but when I confront they say it's okay bro ...why do you overthink so much? But when I do the same with them.. they feel offended...
Now, over the course it has happened more with girls than boys. I met 4 really good girls over a span of last 7 years (just as connections) but I endup losing them because when they say something off... I end up feeling hurt and I respond in a aggressive way.
I know I'm kinda outlier-ish at socializing with this world. But still there is some void which I'm unable to fillup. I just thought if I can debug this..
I mean how do you deal with those situations when you want to respond quickly with a bit of impulsion and you know that may blurr the connection?
Look, your situation isn’t as simple as it seems. The problem you’re facing is something I’ve gone through as well. Many of us tend to be very emotional when it comes to building relationships with people around us. Once those connections are formed, we often become deeply attached and invested day by day. Later, if any issues or conflicts arise, we naturally become upset or even aggressive—and that’s completely normal.
So, what’s the way forward? The answer may not be simple, but I can share what worked for me. I applied this in my own life and found success: learn to understand people. In a nutshell, the more you focus on understanding others—their nature, their perspectives, their emotions—the better you’ll be able to handle situations calmly and wisely.
"Understanding others" is actually an art or may be a skill which I'm not good at.. that's the whole reason I keep the conversations same with all sorts of people ... I mean I don't judge before speaking...
For say.. I mean based on what I have observed so far people make images about other people in their brain .. say you meet 10 people... All of them behave quite similarly but still you will put some boundaries based on their nature that here is a list of topics on which I won't be talking to these people ..like that ..
May be in simple terms we call it "maturity" but yeah.. I tried hard and trying as well.. but when I think too much about it to curb this ...my head begins to ache..
Yes....it's an art for sure, and nothing happens immediately, experience and learning from that experience and implementing in your life leads to maturity, and yea no body is perfect everyone at some stage of life blunder so as you...so don't worry take a chill pill
Women aren't perfect either. Maybe your reactions were justified. Depends on the context though.
In my case, I mean.. I have noticed a pattern that I'm the one who is spoiling things up and that too on very small things. You know there are some people who just turn heated moments into cold in minutes.. I always feel I lack that quality.. I kind of turn spark into fire sometimes... Many people have advised me to learn to ignore and not respond to everything... Overtime things have improved but still... when I see people just ignoring such things by adding a childish smile and maintaining connection.. I go in a bit of flashback or become insecure that I may lose current connections that I don't want to lose.
Some things you learn only with time and experience. Patience is one such thing. Time and experiences teach you a lot. Being impulsive is okay to some extent, many people are like that from nature, and you simply cannot change your inherent nature, you may just be able to manage it properly.
The key thing I believe is, when in extreme anger, frustration or sadness, don’t take any action. Basically, in times of extreme emotional distress, just step away, move away from situation, let it calm down a bit, then think and then take any action.
Also, impulsive actions often may lead to mistakes, so just learn to express remorse and learn to apologize. Most people just can’t apologize, they just don’t, even though they know they did a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, accepting them and apologizing, is what shows wisdom.
Search about mindfulness and ways to achieve it. Like everything, practice makes perfect. Even the mind!
