I was always a conventional hard-working person. Did well in acad, went to one of the premier eng colleges of India, got placed in a good company but that’s it.
Been working in a metro since 3 years and I’ve never felt this low ever. Year started with me finding loml cheating, somehow tried and still trying not to break down, started playing poker online to curb anxiety at night, lost a decent size of my savings there (>10 lakhs), got rejected from a promotion and other companies due to not being able to prepare well, parents pressuring to get married (I’m almost 27) and even the thought of marriage is scary right now but can’t explain that to parents.
I’ve gone completely silent, was a proper 5 day a week gymmer since years with decent physique, not going there since 3 months, filled with anxiety and grief. My mom is constantly worried, I don’t feel like talking to her, don’t feel like talking to anyone. I still earn well so not exactly broke but the feeling that how stupidly I brought a kind of financial misery on myself is overwhelming when my friends are building their future.
I feel like I’m losing everything, can’t sleep at night.
This was not supposed to happen, why is it happening to me, I’d never asked for anything I don’t deserve, I have worked very hard to get everything, then why it is all falling to pieces. I just feel if only time can stop for sometime.
I didn’t write this post to garner sympathy, I don’t need it, it’s just that I’ve had enough and wanted to let it out for once.
