Guidance on Protecting a Marriage
This is a story close to my heart, one that has left me feeling helpless, worried, and desperate for hope.
My sister got married a few months ago. We come from a humble, middle-class background. She has always been simple, a bit naive, and academically average—but full of heart. Her husband, on the other hand, is an accomplished man—intelligent, financially well-off, and settled in Dubai. His family, originally from Gujarat, has a light-hearted and carefree nature. They enjoy cracking jokes and take life casually, while we, although we laugh and have fun, are generally more serious and reserved.
Before marriage, my sister and her husband spoke for almost 7–8 months. They seemed compatible, and both willingly agreed to tie the knot. After marriage, she lived with his family for about a month before moving to Dubai with him.
That’s when the cracks began to show.
In Dubai, things changed. Disagreements turned into arguments. One day, during a heated moment, my sister—frustrated after repeatedly asking him to stop joking about something sensitive—lost control and threw a plate that she was holding. It was a reflex, not premeditated. She immediately realized her mistake, apologized, and felt terrible about it. But for her husband, that was the tipping point. Since then, he’s distanced himself emotionally and mentally, convinced that the marriage cannot work.
Her in-laws have now joined them in Dubai temporarily to help the situation. Still, minor issues keep surfacing—like her frustration when he leaves dirty dishes right after she’s cleaned up or when he shows no appreciation for her efforts. It’s not just about chores; it’s about feeling seen, respected, and valued. My sister now feels constantly dominated and unheard. She cries often and confides in me that she still wants to save this marriage. She’s trying, but she feels alone and defeated.
From a distance, all we can do is talk to her, but it’s heartbreaking to see her this way—especially on video calls when she breaks down, saying she’s failed us, failed herself. She’s been through enough in the past—betrayed by fake friendships, always the one left behind. This marriage was her one hope for a fresh start, and now that too is slipping away.
She left her job three months before marriage. It’s now been seven months, and she’s out of work and out of confidence. She’ll be returning to India next month, and I fear how much more broken she’ll be by then. My jiju, to be fair, is not a bad person. But he may not understand her emotional depth or how words and gestures affect her. My sister, while sensitive and short-tempered at times, is deeply emotional and loyal. She wants to make things right—but doesn’t know how.
As her brother, I don’t just want to support her—I want to help her heal and protect her marriage if there’s still a chance. Please guide me how and what to do to support her. Me and my jiju have barely spoken i am an introvert he is a very extrovert , and that never worked for both of us. But deep down i know he is good.
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If I cud say honestly,
Focus on your life and stay out of their affairs. You might worsen it if your jiju doesnt appreciate your interference. It's better that two people who have issues with one another, sort it out themselves. We don't have the context. You only know your sisters side of the story.
Focus on your life, your career, your whatever.
But they want to separate which I don't want bcoz of misunderstanding
If your sister is thinking she will be appreciated for house hold chores it won't happen. It's same like how men are unappreciated. In india there is no culture of appreciating (very few couples do it). Max appreciation will be food is tasty good.
Secondly, whether it's men or women, they should not get violent in marriage. It's a huge game changer. It actually reduces the trust n scares the other person.
She should start working in Dubai it Will ler her clear her mind n also meet colleagues n friends there.
She should put efforts in mending relationship. Your interference could make the relationship more bitter.
Also, u need to understand what are the disagreements they r having.
(Not ur sister or jiju fault, it's about adjusting, here you can only tell her to adjust little n try)
Have you ever heard the concept of MVP, not everything is readily available when a product is at the early stages! It takes time to align things and hiccups do come, so ask yourself your family and your sister to give sometime instead of thinking extremes! Also, go for a surprise trip to Dubai n sit down with your brother-in-law and you would see some changes right away! Talk it out as much as you can and it should solve issues! I’ve tried and tested this approach and has worked! If you feel the family or things are right then even give some peace of mind to your sister as well! Throwing plate was wrong but I get it that she might be bottled up! All I can see if years of being confined in your family environment Vs now life is different so that change is something she is not able to understand + a different country changes it altogether as she might be dependent on her husband for things! I’ll say ask her to open up with her mother-in-law and be with in-laws and spend time! Things ease out always and divorce is the easiest option available! Also after divorce your sister will take therapy which will not heal or help rather deteriorate further! Take care of your family and may everything be fine with your family.
I would suggest you to take professional help. Encourage counselling. Your Jiju needs counselling on how to measure words before speaking and anticipate the impact it may have. He needs to realize the effort your sister is having and how beautiful life can still be led.
On other hand, your sister needs to be counselled on controlling her temper, letting go of emotions and not taking everything personally.
Both need to discuss on expectations from each other, respecting personal boundaries, and mechanism to resolve any future differences that may arise.
If required counsel both families to not guve unsolicited advises that will lead to assumptions and fuel the fire.
From what you have written, I feel it can work out, but both need the willingness to make some compromises. Hope it turns out positive!
yes Your Jiju needs counselling on how words hurts others he should know like even your sister saying multiple times to stop and while she is not happy with that words other side how he will feel like it is a joke. it may be joke for him but not for her. even she is telling to stop how can he say again and again which is dnt care manner it's very sensitive thing. joke will be joke when both enjoys it, if your sister scold their parents in a funny way and if we say it joke will he take it no, at the same time tell to your sister control Temper and say to her try other ways to tell the samething.
Hard luck man. Wish you good luck. I have been through such scenario with my sister's marriage, I can feel you. It all mainly comes down to both husband and wife, both should equally try to resolve the marriage problems