Friend finds out wife had abortions prior to marriage.
My friend from school, a quintessential 'nice and safe' guy who had no relationships prior to this arranged marriage in 2022 finds himself in a pickle.
Wife is around 12 weeks pregnant and during this week the OBGYNs ask general questions about overall history including the number of pregnancies prior. She was being shifty in answering the questions before but last week during an anomaly scan the radiologist insisted on her disclosing every thing as they may have found something that could threaten fetal development.
Turns out missy lied about everything. She had 2 MTPs including one where there was some surgical intervention needed. She had only disclosed that she had been in 1 relationship in her life that didn't include anything physical. Also a lie.
My friend called me yesterday— howling and in the middle of a panic attack about how his life has turned into a joke and wants nothing to do with his wife and the child she's carrying. He has mentally checked out of the relationship. Me and a few of my friends are going to keep him company for the next few weeks as he did throw the idea of ending himself in the air briefly while we try and gather all options on the table to get him out of this.
Curious to know if you or someone you know have faced something like this. What would you do in this situation?
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What an immature guy. Everyone has a past. He should not obsess about the past before their marriage, as that is not relevant now.
He should be supporting his wife and own child now, and be working on creating a happy family for his future, imho
None of these happened, if one marry virgin girl...
And who exactly takes it? Married men? Virgin men? People want to experience everything before marriage. Virgin girl my foot. Yes she lost her virginity to someone. But who was that someone? Some saint? Some guy who can be a non-virgin before marriage? What is it with girls should be virgins before marriage and guys can do whatever they want? Total idiotic mentality.
"experience everything before marriage" you mean whorness before marriage, enjoy prime days with fuk boys. When prime days are over and become leftover, find a well settled guy who has done nothing but grind through out his life, to create his value in society. While on the other hand women are not capable to preserving the value till marriage. Such a SHAME. SHAME ON YOU FOR DEFENDING.
Sorry to say but indian men f*ck around before marriage, being in relationship with 10 girls and want their wife to be virgin. I don’t see any issue as this is 21st century and everyone is having past. You need to be mature enough to handle these kind of situations. If she was having extramarital affair then it would be wrong but if you are marrying someone in arranged marriage setup then of course you are accepting that person with his pasts and present and how could someone be so open in arranged marriage to tell all his/ her secrets. How could you say that your friend had no physical relationship with anyone before marriage? And if it’s affecting him so much mentally then he could file for divorce.
It's up to the person to decide whether or not they want to deal with someone's past. My friend didn't have that option.
Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are of commitment. You may not like it but that's how the world has operated since time immemorial.
Told ya, the whor culture is on the rise... 🤷🏻♂️... Learn to identify one and stay away... It all shows up in their way of talking, behaviour.. all the signs are right there. It's all internally wired for a "Man" and your psyche/nerves would get fkd up. Most imp, completely ignore those who try to sell whor in the name of "be mature, accept it, it's okay, everyone has a past" bla bla.. may they get lot of whors at their home. 🤷🏻♂️.
Objectifying a woman as whor is shameful. Tu wohi gawaar hai na jisse village woman chahiye thi who can endure all your beatings?
So....it became a classic gender war here. Cool.
To the people saying "Everyone has a past" thingy, I agree. But don't you think these people having pasts should come clean ? It is okay if you have a past. This generation is fu*ked up. Big deal. But shouldn't you be honest and clear about it with someone who plans to spend a life with u? What kind of relationship u wanna build? With lies and deceit as foundation?
Your friend's in-laws are at fault too brother. Hiding such a huge detail.
If u wanna have past, go for it. But don't destroy someone else's life and belief by hiding it.
How did the fact, that the wife had abortion earlier, is "destroying his life"?
He can have a perfectly good life with his wife and son, if he focuses on the future, and builds are happy life with them, instead of being obsessed with his wife's romantic life before they even met. That past has nothing to do with him.
The only person "destroying his life" is the guy himself. 🤷♂️
Okay 1 was fine, 2 is disturbing
But ask your friend to man up. His reaction is extreme. People get cheated left and right but if his wife is good now and the child is his as well, he can give her a chance.
Maybe she's a changed person now.
What exactly is your definition of "man up"?
you can expect whole world to cheat you but once someone close to you cheats it doesn't matter anymore you question everything. Author is justified for such reaction.
UPDATE: The wife's family has been made aware of the situation. They're basically in disaster control mode. The family only knew about 1 abortion yet hid it from my friend and his family. The father wants him to forgive them and move on and is prepared to transfer significant amounts of land to my friend as compensation— a guy who even refused 'gifts' during the wedding because idealism.
How did he not know she had abortions that too surgicals? Doesn't that leave marks
UPDATE 2: The wife has suffered a miscarriage this morning and the pressure on my friend to go back has been upped. Wife's father has been calling all of us citing parts of religious scriptures about men who forgive are godlike. Bullshit that none of us bought. Divorce is on the table and we're not sending him back without proper psychological counseling.
Whoever here is justifying that bitch, either that person is a female who has dozens of body count or that person has lost his mind. If she has that much of a thing for a guy why she didn't marry him. Why she wasted an innocent guys life by telling him all lies and deciet??? She could have come clean and told him everything but no she kept him in the dark all this time.
Please make sure yout friend does not take some serious step. Take care of your friend bro. He needs you more than anything at this time. I pray that your friend will come out of that sickness soon and live happily afterwards
What a childish guy and it's common for girls to have a relationships in college days break ups etc. He should forget that and move on. What if the guy had multiple relationships before?