Feeling suicidal, joined here as SDE 1 about a month ago
The service is huge, in which I have to work. The individual parts are tough.
I am trying my best, but in reverse KTs I failed miserably.
One side they say they understand I am new and it will take time and the next moment expect my inputs during meets and articles.
I have failed a lot in life, never lived life tbh, Failed JEE, got into a tier 2 college Failed to get a good placement No dressing sense No personality No college friends since only focused on studying which caused burnouts Always rejected and never dated
I come from a middle class family, I respect my parents, but I don't love them enough to share them everything.
My best friends from school are busy in ther lives.
I thought starting a job, having money, I will find a way to turn things through.
But I heard from them I will be kicked out, or put to PIP if I don't cope up soon.
I have nothing else, this was my last hope.
I am empty.
I just wanted to live a day in life. A good day.
Although I have tried ending things, but I failed, because I am a coward. I don't know what to do.
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A. You're not alone in this. Many are in the same boat
B. Services are supposed to be huge. That's the beauty of it. Treat it like a learning opportunity rather than a burden. Simpler services can anyway be automated via LLMs
C. It's good they're engaging with you. Be accountable and don't run away.
D. Dressing, personality can be fixed later. But yeah, friends are important. You're young, open up and make friends at work or outside.
E. JEE, tier 2 college. All that bs is past. Live in the present.
Man take it easy… your situation like me infact i didn’t had job. I was unemployed for almost 1 year but then situation changed. You need to stick this just start… I didn’t even come from middle class family probably lower middle class you can say that.
What you described yourself same i was back in 2019 but now situation altogether different
Take a break from job and travel..Relax and try for better work places..This situation looks silly to you if you look back after an year..your job is small part of your life and one comp should not define you..or all hard work in your life..you are more than that..chill n sleep thru bad days and talk to your family..or close friend..
This is normal for middle class people especially weaker families. Most well to do people are no less than bullies in our country so we face issues. Don't obsess too much with dressing, wear proper dress which is clean and do some grooming. Keep sailing. You can take help of chatGPT also on various personal matters in case no one reliable and mature is around.
Gym ja bhai tu sab sort ho jayega apne aap
You are not a coward at all. The most courageous task is to acknowledge that one is weak unless one accepts the situation he cannot come out of it. This stress is like softsand don't fight and spoil your energy save it for a better use you will need it. Trust me you are never alone in any situation there is always a help which will be given when you ask for it. Take care If you want a different perspective to your situation you can connect with me on prakrutiayurveda @gmail.com