I’m a 27F and have been with my boyfriend (27M) for almost 3 years now — we met on Bumble, and it’s been a beautiful journey together. He’s kind, respectful, emotionally mature, and someone I truly see a future with.
But the challenge is his family. They come from a very orthodox background — think traditional expectations from a daughter-in-law (managing household, prioritizing in-laws, etc.), which I’m simply not aligned with. I’m financially independent and I don’t see myself giving up my autonomy to fit into that mold.
On top of that, they recently got our kundlis matched and apparently, they didn’t align. They also know that I drink occasionally, which is a huge red flag for them. Worst of all, they think I’m “forcing” him to marry me — that he’s too young to settle and deserves someone “better.”
He loves me, but it feels like the more he tries to stand up for us, the more pressure he gets from home. I’m tired of proving I’m good enough when I know I am. But I also don't want him to feel like he's being pulled in opposite directions.
Has anyone been through something similar? I’m torn between fighting for this relationship or walking away before it breaks me. What would you do?
‘i don’t want to go from one mould to another’ lady life demands change (not necessarily 0-1-0) but you’ve to take on new roles as and when they present themselves.
What if the boy says I like autonomy, I won’t take up my responsibilities of a father?
Change with time and be dynamic.
Why marry if you need autonomy in the first place?
Yeah but the funny part is that men expect only women to change. Women have to be the ones who are expected to leave their homes and live in the guy's house with his family where his family won't even consider you as their daughter and always think their son is the best and their DIL has taken advantage of the guy. He won't have to leave his parents, his house, his last name. Women are expected to do all of that, pls tell me how does it make sense?
@D0nkey05 Perfect!
Two out of Two times, did my ex bf's chose their families over me..so I would say you're fighting a battle already lost. Not saying that the boy is wrong..idk? But just wanted you to know some facts.
Needed a reality check. Thanks hun
If someone wants to he would..no excuses, period. Stop clouding your judgement, you already know the answer and your worth. Take decisions accordingly.
Ditto and my story is worse. We are both 28. Darling for 10 years.. Living in for 6 years..i introduced her to my parents at an early age as a friend thinking they are open minded.. Got screwed left right centre. Fought at home left to Bangalore with her... Started living life and building our self brick by brick. Got a job, slept in a 1bhk on a yoga mat together... Depressed for 3 years... Convinced her..It only want up after that.
Finally at 27, time me parents she's the one. They took couple of years doing poojas for me to forget her. Sadly it back fired and The only thing i remember is her now. My memory is like a gold fish now.. So thank you mom .. Now they've given up and wanna just get done with it as they are aging.
My parents are also orthodox which is why we stepped out at a young age and took live in our own hands.. In the end we need to look after each other. They will have to come to terms with our decision as everything cant revolve around them.
But its a long and hard journey. Standing up fighting it out. Keeping distance.. white lies..and finally reaching a point in lyf where you're like what the fuck am i doing. Lets get married and get done.
I guess i shared too much but yea thats the truth. Its dirty, sucks the emotions out of you but if you love someone, you go the extra mile to make it happen and stick together through it all.
I lost trust in parents, lost that love spark and spontaneity we had for each other, now were living like a married couple, slowly chilling life just planning our wedding and happy.
The only beauty of your situation is that you were ready to take a stand for her. You're ready to go against your parents, okay with living away from them. He doesn't agree with his parents but doesn't want to go against them. He knows that I won't be happy with his parents but still wants that. I don't know what to do
I've seen many Parents or partner situation. Most that have selected parents regret later and never find a compatible partner. If you choose partner you just need to keep persuading your parents make them understand why you both are a good fit and explain that you are happy.
You can avoid all issues by living separately. No one can stop you from drinking or pursuing a career. Nod your head get married visit parents once in a while.
Just remembered another card you can use is having one income isnt sustainable in todays economy. Dual income is needed to live comfortably and plan ahead of you need to.
if you can die for your love them stick with him else leave, find suitable partner where both family matches and live peacefully.
I don't want to lose myself by being with him but I do want to be with him. Basically, walking away isn't easy
Think from his parents pov too. If your are not ready yo adjust or live with his parents at all then why should his parents agree for this marriage. Compromise should be there from both sides.
I absolutely second your idea that given both the partners working and in a similar financial situation, it shouldn't be expected from the woman alone to uproot herself completely from her parents' house and move to the man's house. There should be a middle ground.
Either both live separately, or live with both sets of parents together or within a specific locality, or live with both sets of parents in a cyclical manner for fixed time periods.
Since you think you are strong and independent enough, why are you even having a second thought. If required, both should compromise on a few things but never settle for less. All the best!
Do you want to live alone for first few initial years of marriage? Is he a single child? Also, just pretend you quit drinking for the sake of peace. Some way or the other both of you will have compromise.
Yes, I don't want to move in with his family because I feel considering their orthodox mindset from living in a small city is very different from mine. He has a younger brother. I don't even drink that often like once a month or less, I don't know why he told them about it too
Bhag ke shadi mandir mein
He refused to go against his parents and wants to live with them after marriage. Expecting me to like leave my family and become a part of his family
Chodiye firr usko, koi or dekhiye.
Update: We met recently and are able to overcome all issues except 1, housing arrangement. My perfect world included him and I living in 1 house with both sets of parents living closeby or in neighbouring houses. However as he wants to live with his parents, I agreed to live with them on one condition that my parents live with us too. He is not okay with that as he says managing so many people will be difficult to create a peaceful atmosphere
Oh girl, that'd be too much too handle. Talking from my experience.
Time will fix things if you both are strong about yourselves. There are gonna be challenges and hard times and eventually you both can explore moving to a seperate house and parents can visit occassionally. It's not gonna be easy post marriage when it comes to late night dinners, parties etc..
And don't worry, if he truly cares for you, he'd be the first one to move out to live a peaceful life. All the best in advance :))
Convincing his parents and getting married isn't the end goal,the long ,30-40 years after that is the main issue. He doesn't need to go against his parents but he needs to stand up for what he thinks is right. After marriage you will have a lot of issues that you will need to deal with together and it seems your in -laws point of view would be important for him whereas you might take this as an additional interference. 2 or even 5 years down the line when you guys have a child, it will be a battle again to try and raise him as per your liking(I am assuming no screen time, no sugar junk etc) in a house that believes in milk and biscuits should be the first food of a child. Big and small investment decisions,whatshould you wear in and out of the house, where should you go on vacation, even who should you go with, what time you wake up, how do you conduct yourself at house, how much house work do you do in top of your job ..all of these have been issues in the past with ppl in similar situations. Honestly, I feel like it will be a long depressing and lonely road for you because the person might be good but you need someone who is good for you
Saw a couple of posts on X claiming (read boasting) India’s divorce rate as 1%. If we believe this to be true, I think this is majorly because of the show-off nature of the society. Almost every marriage I’ve known about in last 5 years ...
Stopped reading at "adjustments on the girl's end" 😳
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