Feeling a lot of doubts, should I continue living?

Declaration

I don't seek validation, I only want genuine answers and help, especially your opinion.

TLDR : I am not happy with myself, since my body and mind don't work and produce results even though I am capable, the loop has continued since JEE and I fear it will continue more. I was thinking of ending everything and leaving early.

Long explanation

1. Career

Failed JEE, got a 23K rank in mains, went for a drop, got 30k in mains, in 12th stopped studying and in drop year, didn't studied anything, just made roadmaps which would give me the dopamine hit.

In college, didn't made friends, just closed the door and studied, zero memories, burn outs were very common and my efficiency went down the drain, stopped studying in between and wasn't consistent.

Got internship in a company, planned to study alongside it, but used to be very tired after office, would scroll reels on bed for 30 min and would sleep afterwards.

Got PPO there, for practically one year, before joining here, didn't studied shit, all the other people who got the PPO, cracked better offers double their CTC, even if I just would have revised, I would have cracked a better company. I am the only guy who joined there from my college.

2. Life

I have extreme respect for my parents, but regarding love, I am not sure, I am grateful they always fed me, never considered me a burden and helped complete my education without a loan, always gave me money without asking why?

Built a home for me and my brother out of there own hard earned money and did the best for us. Never took a loan and always wanted us to be loan free.

I never worked on myself, Inc gym, dressing sense, always gave efforts only to study, which practically, I didn't got the results I should have.

Always rejected whenever I approached, citing religion issues, ugliness.

3. People around me

Friends I made in school were best, they were hardworking, always made their way through, stood alongside me and always honest.

In college, everyone was an acquaintance, zero female interaction.

In college, people around me were living my dream life, good Competitive programming skills, good DSA, good network, internships in good companies and some even had partners.

4. What I wished for myself

An individual who knows he should work, at times, it can be stressful and tiring, but he should balance everything.

A mentor, if possible, a big brother, to guide me, not spoon feed me, but atleast give a direction.

Well versatile in skills of life itself including street smartness, cooking.

A healthy mind, which works when I work and relaxes when it's time to take off.

I wished to have a family of my own one day, a partner, whom I can hug and protect, raise kids of our own and travel and age with her.

Sketch her and click photos of her. I wished to be loved back.

5. Reality currently

23M, 5 10, patchy beard ,a failure who has failed multiple times in life,

Failed JEE, to get a good job, currently at 10LPA. Never got a single yes from a women.

Atleast my parents are tension free since ab unka ladka kama rha, apna kharcha khud dekh lega.

Friends are getting busy in their own lives. And my body can't keep up with gym + job + study.

I get fever frequently and my head hurts.

6. Final words

I should end this, I have lived enough, I have given myself enough chances to proove I can change, but no, I am a useless piece of ass.

I don't deserve any other chances at life itself.

I am not venting, but with a piece of pen and paper in hand, it's evident the issue was always with me. I destroyed my life with my own hands, my brain and body don't wish to live more, work hard more, hoping there is a better life ahead.

I have done some deeds, saved a girl from an accident, taught gov school children, mentored 2 to crack entrances, did sewa whenever I could.

Lastly

I wish I was strong enough to save myself.