Dot

Hi guys, I think I'm done for. Don't have any friends, no contacts. Maybe I ruined all or never learned how to form. I work as a software dev in service based currently 12lpa with 5.5yoe. Went through college and most of the time unconscious on autopilot. I'm zero in relationships. Any kind of. Son, brother, friend, and maybe even a girlfriend had i got. Every relation, gets not formed, or gets un formed some way or other. I literally can't see ahead in my future. It's empty. Blank. I'm 27 M and with no contacts or connections, I don't see anything, as if I was blind. I don't see what I can do now. I think I'm done for. I'm scared as sht of people. Numbing myself kind of scared. I close my eyes, ears and brain as well.

I used to do lot of terrible stuff when I was a kid, maybe it's all coming back now. I'm scared AF.

Or maybe i like chaos, or maybe I'm a criminal, and I'm self destroying. I don't know how.

My brother, friends, yeah I was terrible to them as a kid. They were not.

I dumbify myself to get through the day.

I think I'm turning into a stone.

And yeah, sometimes I feel if i go out and tell the guy beside my room to reduce the volume and he doesn't respond well, i get cravings to beat the sht out of them. But I can't, cause then I'd end up in jail. But if i don't then I feel myself shrinking.

Im scared AF.

My teammates like me, I'm a good smooth guy there. My female lead and tester they like me as well.

Nah I think I'm good now, they like me so I must be a good guy.

Yeah. Goodnight.

Yeah but i feel I'm living in some clothing among people. Why can't I connect with people. Did i betray them? Something is wrong.