Done with my life insecurities
I am feeling with anxiety disorder and has overthinking. And I think its eating up my life.
Insecurities in my job: I know that i am very average in my career and not confident if i will get a job if i loses my current one. I had faced severe salary issue (almost 5 month salary delay) and have seen how people get fired in my present company. I know that job insecurity issue same for anyone working in IT, btw i work as a dev in Bangalore. I am preparing technically with what much I can and i am having a feeling that I am not reaching anywhere. I am in the process of building an emergency fund.I work as a front end dev and thinking about the next 5 years, i am clueless if i will have a job or not.
Insecurities of not having money: I dont have money. I dont have much savings. I am 31. Many of my friends are married and many have kids. The thought of marriage scares me as all my saving till now will be gone. I am not talking about a big fat wedding but a very minimal one.
I know that all these issues are faced almost every salaried indian but my anxiety sucks every inch of my life.
I now never feels that i am living. Life feels like a surgical strike.
There is another reason for that. I had done my bachelors and masters from one of the best colleges in india but failed to get a job. I failed at cracking govt jobs as well. So i have this thought of failing again. For this, i plan a lot, a lot means a lot
Poor or zero social life: I dont have much friends and many calls me only when they need something from me. I doesnt feel connected to the social. Instagram fuels the feeling of not moving with the crowd. I have now uninstalled that.
Sometimes, i feel so suffocated with life. Many times , i am scared of life.
This is also due to the trauma during my childhood where i lost my mother when i was 10 due to cancer. My parents were professionally really good, but i saw them struggling financially when my mom was ill. I have grown seeing my family shattered by that single event and i am still scared if that would happen again.
If you ask me why i am writing here, I am just LETTING OUT
Talking product sense with Ridhi
9 min AI interview5 questions
The next 5 years which you're stressing about, you might not even be alive to see those, you should definitely plan for the future, but letting it consume you so much that you feel like this in the present is unfair, In the long run we're all dead.
I am in the same situation as you. I feel stuck at my current job (learning and earning both) I have started by making a Resume, but I don't have the motivation to learn new stuff and start applying elsewhere. I know I will gather the willpower soon. Also, don't compare your life milestones with your colleagues/friends... Take your own time, learn to be happy. All the best.
Dead*