Decoding my suicidal thoughts. Have arrived at the decision to leave early.
23M, Software Engineer, Product Based, CTC 10LPA, 5 10, sikh, punjabi, brown skin and haha, I don't look like a typical sardar. Tirer 2 graduate.
Gym going from about 8 months, progress is there and I travel alone once a month and click pictures, sketch strangers, have random chai discussions with people of train, have met SEM at Google, Senior Analyst at Barclays, SDE 3 at Amazon. Amazing people and quite good discussions.
I have failed in almost everything in life, I am just barely surviving in the ocean of life, struggling mentally to keep my head above the water.
JEE, college placements, I fu**ed them all, with my own hands and tbh, I tried everything in my mind to change it, to live a better and a healthy life. My friends stayed consistent graduated early from tier 1, with good packages, lived life and every single day, faced challenges and became strong.
I have been rejected all my life and been told ugly to the face, although I wished to wrote poems for her and sketch her to keep her heart lively, I don't think I will ever find someone, which is a logical outcome. Neither I have the money to make her feel safe nor in a position to reach their very fast. Although I wished to had a family of my own, a partner to age with and hold hands along the line of life.
Despite being given time, I didn't improved and I am tired now, my body and mind don't wish to continue more.
I have decided to leave early. Don't worry no one is dependent on me.
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Hey bro, whatever you are going through I have been there. Applying logic to this situation only lead to the self-delete conclusion. My logical conclusion was also that. But this isn't the way one should look at emotional problems. Learnt it very late. I don't know who you are, Please don't end your life!! If you want someone to talk to, my dm is always open. Just give a one last try with psychologist too.
Hey, if you’re still reading this, please don’t do this. You can always DM me and we can talk more about it. You’re not alone.
We put so much pressure on ourselves and expect a lot from us while we always keep other people on pedestal and think that we have only failed, but there may have been instances where you were able to do something which you did not expect and others wanted it
Keeping the judgement from the outer world aside, what really matters is what do you think of yourself?
Conventional good looks never guarantee a successful relationship!