Confused about a marriage prospect
27 M here Did BTech from IIT and currently working in a FAANG company as a software developer.
I received a marriage prospect who works in a service based company as a QA.
We really had a good conversation.
The only thing I am confused about is her career. She earns around 7 LPA and from the conversation did not seem to be a career oriented person.
I am a bit worried about this fact as I have spent considerable time reaching where I am right now. Not sure if I am overthinking so that's wanted to check opinions of other folks who came across such similar situations.
No marry someone of your salary range. That avoids any clashes between you in the future.
If you absolutely loved her, you wouldn't have considered salary as a issue. It is completely fine to be practical. You worked hard to reach this point so it's fine to look someone of your range, but remember such girls will have their own high standards which you may/may not meet
Wait a sec, Why would anyone consider paying scale as a big factor considering you liked her?
You want someone to be as inspirational as you and do what? Both going to office filling JIRAs. So yayyy, we have common to talk about? Really?
Not sure why you are so bothered about it so much? Also for a fact someone earning less never mean they aren't a good human.. (instead I've better people there) it's just they chose to prioritize something else and that should be okay.. ofc you are inspirational so talk about what you wanna do and if that's gonna be an issue.. but judging her life choices won't be the right choice buddy. Then you should look inwards.
Also this can be an issue if you were always rich and she isn't.. but ig that's not the case either
I don't know honestly how it would go in future, whether this would create any conflicts or not.
Also, I am not looking at her current situation. I am not sure if she is motivated to grow in her career.
are you married @Paul? seem delusional to me.
@Nifty : what you are thinking is right, just don’t feel guilty about it. it is important to check these things. you will eventually have a family also and would require support. all that hunkey-dorey stuff does not happen in real life.
There will be a huge gap in terms of aspirations and thinking forward in life. You have got time. Get someone who is at similar or atleast comparable aspirations.
Are you really sure you wanna get married at 27 ?
I don't have any problem with it if I get a good partner
Id suggest meet the woman and speak with her in depth. If there’s emotional compatibility and she is smart even though not career oriented, you might end up being a good match. But she might just be a gold digger so do your due diligence properly
Yeah I was also planning to talk with her on the same stuff.
Hi,
I know a close friend who is exactly like you. He married a girl who was not as ambitious as him. It's been 8 years but he still cribs about it and is not happy despite having a wife who is such a good person. So, if you are having any second thoughts right now, pls find a better match or it will be difficult for you both later.
Buddy when you seek marriage advice, always try to get it from the people who are married. Few points
- you are going to have lot of doubts and confusion about marriage, it's normal. Just dont overdo it.
- Don't worry too much about her career. Don't make it too glamorous. Just filling jira tickets shouldn't be a dream. Its just a job for which you are getting paid good.
- You are already at good stage in your career. You already have a good amount of stress. Why do you expect the same from her. She can become your home.
- Do check if she is a good person or not. Check if she is pseudo feminist.
- Check for her aspirations. What she wants to do etc.
- what's her beliefs about marriage.
I was too much worried about marriage. I wasn't sure even the last day. I just decided i will give 100%. It turned out marrying her was one of the best decision that I taken. She keeps me sane and happy. We both worked on our marriage. She did put more efforts than me. Just go with flow and dont overthink. Just be wary of red flags. Don't chase her LPA. You can't put price on happiness.
Some suggestions:
- Be clear about what you and she want from each other, where it is family relations, careers or where to be settled in future. Basically ranking of priorities in life.
- Any habits or important personal issues one should be aware about and would need support from each other.
Once the above points are clear, you are good to go, and if you both found out you would be able to balance each other throughout at the beginning, it would be good to go.
As nothing is permanent, but having the communication is the beginning(and throughout) is the key. Just take the suggestion and focus on communicating with the person rather than elsewhere now.
matching pay scale is not important but the difference should not be a trench.
what you need to check if she is making efforts to improve her career. in future, you will come across situations where you may have some financial constraints and then will she step up? step up here does not mean she will cover all the costs, but remember 20% is still more than 0%. if she is laid back you will feel irritated, you will feel alone which is the worst feeling despite having a partner.
This is also true that after marriage both partners learn habits of each other, so there is always a positive side, just that will should be there which one can figure out by a number of chats. Go out with her and you will understand yourself.
When choosing a partner, always remember more than good qualities, it is the not so good qualities which matters. Good qualities to good hoti hai, sab mein kuch na kuch hoti hai. but not so good qualities jo hoti hai kya tum unke sath puri zindagi guzaar paaoge?
Don't marry. Marry someone who matches your pay scale.
