Confession / Need Advice

I recently joined IBM in August as a Support Engineer for a product called Apptio. To be honest, the journey hasn’t been easy for me.

I am an epileptic person and also struggle with some memory issues. I managed to clear all interview rounds on my own, but the last round with my PEM was tough he didn’t really want to hire me. Eventually, with my uncle’s help (who knows him personally helped with a word of mouth), I got through.

This is the first time I’ve moved away from my parents to a new city for work. On top of the health challenges, I’m finding it really difficult to memorize and fully understand the product concepts. I’ve been watching demos and training material, but when my PEM asked me to give a demo recently, I failed to explain properly. His words “why did I even hire this candidate” are still stuck in my head.

I explained that I’m a slow learner, and I am trying my best. But since day one, I’ve been under constant pressure from my PEM and TL. My TL also questions me about getting late to the office (I stay far at my cousin’s place due to health reasons).

Every day while traveling to work, I feel like crying. I was jobless for almost 1.5 years before this opportunity, and I really don’t want to lose it. But the stress, health struggles, and pressure from my leads are making me question myself.

👉 Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you cope? How do you handle work pressure when you’re a slow learner or dealing with health issues? I just need some advice or encouragement right now.

😔