Can't trust anyone
I am not sure if this is the right platform to discuss this, but I have been having a very tough time since last 2 months, I was in a relationship with a person from last 10 years, I means straight from b.tech upto now, he went for phd after b.tech and I went for m.tech and then job, I stayed with him at his lowest and we were managing long distance quite well...we used to frequently meet, go around places, and we were planning to get married. In July, he finally completed his phd and was coming to bangalore to start job, we had so many plans for once after b.tech after 6 years now we were about to be in the same city but everything changed drastically from his end when he arrived....he started having random fights, and broke up...one day when we were fighting he got intimate with some other girl at his phd and then it striked me why were we having these random fights and everything and why I suddenly became toxic for him, why weren't I toxic when he needed help with his doctorate work all these years I managed my office work at day and at night we used to be do Google Meet to discuss his work, I even helped him in few of the papers ...for me it was Supporting him but for him I never thought it was just taking advantage of me. Now, the problem is not that he left but I can't trust anyone, I have got no family support emotionally and I can never think of loving someone else and I don't want to ruin someone's else life by getting married, for me it was real, never thought of being with someone else, and never would be able to trust or be with someone after this.
I wonder how people take us for granted when we put in heart and soul and assure them of building a life together. They then start finding faults in everything be it the tiniest of things.. become stubborn and suddenly we start wondering that it's our fault.. I have gone through this phase though the relationship was short lived yet it was intense. Now I've literally lost trust and would never be able to love someone whole heartedly because I know how difficult it was for me to come out of it by myself. Such people really don't deserve the goodness in life and deserve to live alone throughout. They'll realise one day that they let go of someone who really put in efforts and wanted to build a sustainable and meaningful relationship. Anyways, it'll take time so don't suppress the emotions, embrace them and become a better version.
I can understand your situation, in the same boat as you. There's no way you let go of all these, all the time you spent, all your efforts and everything will haunt you. There's no way you can forget and forgive, but the only way to move away from this feeling is, just let things happen how it should be, you know you're never at fault, you know you've given your 100%. After some days there will be a thin layer between you and your memories, sometimes you will be great and sometimes it will come back to haunt you with all those memories and how you're betrayed. You will ask why it's me after I'm giving everything from my side to that one person who mattered this much to me, and why it happened to me. There's no answer, there is nothing you can do, you played your part but things are not always in our control as it seems to be. Give yourself some time, embrace the grief, embrace how you felt after the betrayal. There's no way one can trust and love someone after all these, but I still hope you find a piece which can fit into your broken world and make it a whole. Embrace your emotions, it's the only way moving forward.
In a long relationship, if the other didn't appreciate your loyalty and love, it's their loss and not yours .. coz as a person, that's how you are and nothing can change that. Trusting another person going forward? Think of it this way: the sooner you stop dwelling in the past, the easier it will be to embrace the present. Carrying all that weight is only going to slow you down. Life is too short to waste it anymore.
Sad for you.
To any man you ever be with now, please don't hide your relationship or the lengths of it or else both of you will have trust issues
Live your best life and make him jealou
I am so sorry 🫂 i can relate to this at many levels but finally have come to the conclusion after multiple bad experiences that long distance ruins relationships. I relate that you don't have family or friend support to be able to share and you have a lot of conflicting feelings, and it will be very difficult to trust someone again. It's part of the process and it will ease up slowly I promise. but stay strong, if you ever want to talk, want me to share my story or rant about yours I am here
Don't think about them, focus on ur life, career, and health. It will take some time to overcome those phases & to be back the same old you. Give some time for yourself, take a break, ghost all, work on yourself. Don't be hard on urself. I was also in the same situation & but it is like he cheated with my so called best friend ( my benchmate she is in my college days ) now I overcame those, for me it took around 3 years. Because of that anxiety & trauma, I was diagnosed with the worst disease. Later i let everything, let the ship sink. Heal urself, avoid unnecessary people in ur life, like his/ her friends. Why bcoz as he knows he may try to manipulate everything & make u feel like u r the reason that's why I left you. Don't ask for the reason, don't go after that garbage guy validation or justification. Sometimes it has to let in its own way..! Open up to your close friend, cry as much u can. Read books, like self help books, the subtle of art not giving fuck, subtle of art giving hope, get epic shit done, do epic shit, art of not overthink, art of living alone, i suggested few here. Explore more places, better travel alone (this helped me a lot), if u r scared to travel alone, take only your trustable frnd who is not gonna judge you. I seriously ignored people like shit, i won't even give a damn on any ! Even my friends try to reach out to me.. I completely ghosted all, from college friends to my colleagues. U know that gut feeling right, some frnd will to true u, no matter what they won't judge you, have few friends like that. So nothing is more important than ur self. Prioritise yourself. Take a break from people. Get a grip & give a come back 💃🏻
If a girl get intimate and be easily available mentally and physically the guy usually loses interest in the girl.
And after your breakup all the guys will just treat you as a second hand car and noone would really commit with you seriously.
Sad but that’s how male psychology works.
