Boyfriend having whole family responsibility
I am 28 yo girl in relationship with guy from 2 years, thinking of marriage. Having boyfriend with whole family responsibility like mother, father, handicapped brother, devorce sister with her two sons. The starting days I was thinking like everything will be fine day by day, but right now situation has become worse, every month I have to help him financially( he is earning good though), i m doing that as well just because of love, he loves me so much, i love him. But I am worried about future with him. Not fully confident about marriage because of all this things. Shared the thought with him, he says family is his first responsibility after marriage also he will be doing the same. I am not greedy or gold digger something, but financial stability is one thing we need to consider right? I am earning decent, but that hard earned Money i cannot give for someone's survival....any suggestions on this, what should I do, i have to take decision as my family is searching for rishtas.......
Simple fact is, if you’re having doubts about it, then don’t do it. You will not be able to handle it, it will go worse.
+1 I've seen live example
Partially aligned with Nero. But you came here looking for a solution to make the relationship happen here's what you can do...
Both of you should have a conversation where you tell him that you respect his choice, but to reduce the burden on him you should encourage other members of the family to contribute in their own capacity.
If father is not very old and in physical condition to work, get him to start working. Anything small. A business, a job at a nearby shop or something. Assuming he also wasn't in a proper white collar job, but if he was he can find a white collar job too. A low paying one also should be fine as long as you're able to help him understand that it doesn't need to hurt his ego.
If sister is educated (any bachelor's), help her find an appropriate job. Again, the pay doesn't matter. Just help her understand that while you want to support her, it's important for an educated person to be independent for their own self-confidence. Convincing his parents might be difficult but that's a journey you ought to make.
Remember to convey that you care about them and that a long-term solution to your current situation is if everyone contributes. The amount of money doesn't matter, every small contribution reduces both of your burden if you were to get married. You'll have to very politely keep reiterating this every now and then, because ego will keep coming in, "log kya kahenge" when you recommend sister's job and so on.
I know, it's too much to ask from you. But if you look at them as future family and don't want to consider leaving him this is a sustainable way out. I've been in your partner's position and have many friends in a similar situation.
Wish you the best 💙
Get away for your own good. Providing livelihood to parasites is an impossible job. You will work and earn, they will enjoy. Your BF can’t escape but you can.
In future their constant interference will kill you both from inside.
I see only one way you can both can live together if both of you agree to shift abroad Americas or Europe. Send some income portion and maintain a good distance.
Sorry for my harsh words but that’s how it is.
What a rubbish advice ? How family can be a parasite ?
But yes I agree you should leave him because not for you but for him to lead a peaceful life. If you stay in life you will create more problem as money has come in between you and him .
Just flip the situation and then think.
Leave gracefully. Don’t make him choose between family and you, it only creates pain. Whatever you both shared was good, so cherish it as a beautiful memory and let go on a positive note. Sometimes love means stepping away with dignity, so that both hearts can heal and move forward.
वो अफसाना जिसे अंजाम तक लाना न हो मुमकिन उसे इक खूबसूरत मोड़ देकर छोड़ना अच्छा
Its not going to work out for you. I have seen these situations ending up in messy divorces.
Its best to part ways at this point.
"someone's survival" wali feeling aa hi gai toh.. it doesn't make sense... because it will get reinforced negatively day by day when you will be there with him as family. But again it depends on degree you your attraction towards him (not good to use love).
How sure are you that he is not bluffing it all? If you're completely sure he's saying the truth, even then, his planning is off if he's taking money from you.
People who brag of supporting family rarely actually do that. And if they do, they rarely have to consistently borrow. What would he have done if you weren't around?
If you're still completely sure he's saying the truth, there's no need to worry. But just introspect some.
It's like when my friends say that their dad was the eldest child in the family and he took the responsibility of educating all his younger siblings and getting them married all their life even after he himself got married and has kids. His own kids will be feeling like my dad didn't do anything for us but kept helping all his siblings and we lived in poverty.
Life will be hard for the initial few years (10-15 years) until his divorced sister takes full responsibility for herself and her kids.(Not sure how things are currently, saying this by assuming she is dependent on your bf ). Everyone takes care of their parents and in some cases their brother as well.
Your bf won't stop supporting his family as he feels it's his own responsibility, if you ask him to stop it will adversely affect your relationship.
Your bf should get an understanding that his sibling or sister should take care of themselves in whatever manner they can and not be completely dependent on them.
You and your bf should know that it's your combined responsibility, work hard and get higher packages so you support them and lead your relationship peacefully.
The problem is money and you need to earn more money, having less salary will definitely create problems
Mom and dad are fine but sister and her kids is too much, as a woman i can feel you and i don’t think it will a peaceful marriage for you emotionally and mentally
